Sigh. If only you knew…

Or maybe it's Jesus' annoying younger brother who hangs around soccer practice squirting people with his Super Soaker.

Wouldn't that make him Pinocchio?

YOU OWE ME RESTITUTION!!!

Ooh, ooh, I can play too!

Gotta admit, it kind of warms my heart that they're doing this with a rescue dog. I'm sure it'll be a shit movie, but good job, Brandon Camp.

As always, Johnathan Gabriel's Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory applies:

[Gratuitously slaps Mr. Green]

Nice to meet you, Nurse Dying. Now go give Mr. Portmanteau a soap suds enema to cleanse the tropes from his sigmoid colon.

Mezcal negroni is my go-to drink. The combination of smokiness and bitterness is the perfect metaphorical representation of the disappointing life I've spent living in bowling alleys.

[Majestically intones]

He's a phenomenal character actor. The villain in Highlander 2, a marine in The Rock, and one of The Bobs in Office Space? The man has some serious RANGE.

So that when he turns into an angry punk chicken, he still has some identifiable humanoid characteristics.

Great Job, Captain Obvious!

The next Colonel? You guessed it…Frank Stallone.

Speaking as someone who went through a painful surgical residency, I can attest to the fact that Cox is a very accurate portrayal of many physicians who are in a supervisory role. They're giant dicks but they care deep down. Scrubs as a whole was definitely the most accurate medical show I've ever seen.

I think the real point was to show off the dude's enormous biceps in the 4th panel.

Oh god, I just found this compilation video of him doing live product reads for his podcast - it's like 16 minutes of pure laughter:

Something about the way he called Conan "Co-NAN", like the Barbarian, then so absentmindedly corrected himself and said "I know you hate that" just made me lose it.

I got dysentery the last day I was in Peru and had a ridiculous case of near-constant diarrhea during the 5-hour flight back to Miami. I literally spent the entirety of the flight (even landing!) on the porcelain throne, while angry passengers banged on the door. I had to muster up some broken Spanish to yell, "Do you…