Confoji?

I've been meaning to talk to you about this. You may want to go to a hospital. You might be having a heart attack.

He's available, he just has to shout his lines from at least 500 feet away.

Br-yawn.

That review is either exquisitely tongue-in-cheek or terrifyingly creepy.

Bob Hope-san, why do you not conform? ^_^

It also just drives home how much we're going to fucking miss John Williams when he's gone. (crying emoji)

Now we know what was in those Boston Kremes all along.

Not to mention secret bombing campaigns in Cambodia and using the FBI as his personal wire-tapping service on his enemies.

"See our river that catches on fire /
It's so polluted that all our fish have AIDS"

I don't understand why he doesn't just do his show in character. I mean, I guess I do understand that he felt tired of it and wants to be himself, but is it a coincidence that his entire professional reputation is based on his shtick?

It has brought shame and disgrace on the proud Cleveland family tradition.

Is that a jerk-off motion, or 5 sets of closed eyes with a really jacked up nose? (as opposed to your magnificent John Thomas)

If the brewery's name is any indication, they'll also have enough chicken fat to give you a Scotty-like figure.

#blackemojismatter

YOUR MOTHER!!

That's my mentor, Dr. Steven Zeitels. Fantastic surgeon. And yes, Steven's vocal cords are tremendously scarred from all the battles he's put them through. He's a good sport about it, though.

Anal fissures

I'll bet there's a girl in Tacoma and a dude slicing pastrami in Brooklyn who get it.

The embedded "Puberty Tips" video with creepy Tim and Eric-style video glitching and production values?