Best Mean Tweet ever: "Kurt Russell's face is made of aged denim."

Wouldn't playing video games of any kind be considered disrespectful at the Holocaust Museum? Up there with, say, Mad Libs, jump rope, Matchbox cars, etc.

Nobody asked me if the actual, you know, Keymaster wanted to be the "Keymaster of Ghostbusters puns".

Touchin' a lady's feet and stickin' your tongue in her holiest of holies ain't in the same ballpark, ain't the same league, ain't even the same fuckin' sport.

Or flying away in a helium-filled rapture! Almost makes me want to stand and watch

The Vice-President's Magickal Satyrian Apparatus: A Steampunk Pornographical Film-O-Vision Whereby Reality is Parodied

Just try not to cross the streams. It would be bad.

Apparently the Star ones matter most.

Double-D 7?

Domo arigato, USA Network!

So would the Mummy, apparently!

I'm waiting for it to become a fast-zombie "reimagination" of a mummy, with eye lasers and ice breath or some BS.

Ye-eah, up yo-ouws, Springfield.

Can't wait 'til Friday night
It's time to fuck or fight
We'll get a gut full of suds
We'll go hammer some cruds

I've been coming around on this series, actually - I think there's a pathos that's kind of sweet. And it's a more accurate depiction of what people with cancer actually do with their lives than we usually see in pop culture (as opposed to becoming meth kingpins).

Can't…stop…doing…the Monkey!

It looks like the rare Skullet, rocked by none other than Stevie Wonder!

I tried to tell them! I do mostly tax law and probate stuff occasionally. I got my law degree at night school!

I had dorm-mates who would crush Ritalin and snort it so they could stay awake for 48 straight hours and finish their term papers. Needless to say, there were a lot of nosebleeds that year.

I MODULATE MY VOLUME TO MATCH THOSE I'M IN CONVERSATION WITH!