Dave Lombardo— the greatest fucking drummer in the greatest fucking band of all time, Slayer— has a huge smile right in the middle of The Big 4 performance of "Angel of Death", a song about Nazi atrocities. When you're in a band with Kerry King and YOU'RE the most psychotic looking one? That's pretty badass.

Apart from their shitty music, I hated them because some douche who was trying to pick up my girlfriend back then starting bragging that he looked like the lead singer. I thought, "Wow, it's music tailor-made for douchebags." Normally, when guys act like such morons around my lady-friends, it's a fun diversion for…

I like it. It sounds like a throwback to those old "eviller-than-evil" band names like Angelwitch, Death, or Overkill.

It's your socialized music industry. What is it, like 60% of all radio airplay has to be from Canadian artists?
(Don't worry, I'm just screwing with you; our free-market music industry has produced just as much shitty music).

Your cousin made your sister a mixtape? You don't happen to live in backwoods Appalachia, do you?

Stupid white people. As a prank, I entered my company's chili cook-off with a recipe I created that started out with twenty pureed habanero peppers (seeds included, mind you), and I just kept building from there. My Mexican, Thai, and Vietnamese coworkers actually loved it, "Mmmm, I can taste the habanero in this! …

No shit dude. I personally prefer the chili garlic sauce, but some sriracha in some sushi or a sandwich is fantastic. Those gringos in LA need to grow a pair and enjoy the aroma of ground chilis.

Can we give the Ewoks cuter names? Pepper, Fluff-Fluff, Mr. Squeaky?

Their arch-enemy would be the horrible mutant Sporkman. In order to defeat him, they will need to beseech the powers of the reclusive & mysterious Chopstickman. Hey, this crap writes itself!

Autistic children will immediately start freaking out. I'd suggest we start eating them first.

I've found horror movies follow an inverse bell curve in terms of greatness: They were fucking rad in the '10s and '20s, started getting lame in the '30s, reached the nadir in the '40s, started getting better in the '50s, and got fucking rad again during the '60s and '70s, when HG Lewis started slaughtering hot…

Is it just me, or is anyone else getting really tired of Roman numerals? You have to remember that it's not the letter "V", it's a V. Then you have to count every stupid "I" after it. Just write "7" you pretentious bastard. Want to amuse yourself on a dull afternoon? Try multiplying 6932 by 43…in all Roman…

I'll have you know, sir, that octopi are actually as/more intelligent than any household pet. One of the primary reasons they can't be trained is that they're not social animals, and can't be rewarded with attention, unlike your fuzzy-wuzzy Fido (in fact, they actually avoid attention whenever possible). There are…

Agreed. I found it funny that I felt more disturbed by that scene than any other scene in the movie (or just about ANY movie, for that matter.)

I've seen it, but have mostly forgotten it. "The Asphalt Jungle" remains one of my favorites. But then, John Houston could blow his nose into a roll of film and I'd still see it. "Detour" is great in its all-out lunacy, as is "A Touch of Evil." I especially liked how Orson Welles said in the movie "Ed Wood": "Can…

Agreed. I would say that some middle-management dickweed at The AV Club needs a good punch to the balls for rolling out this new format, but then, pretty much all middle-management dickweeds could use a good punch to the balls.

I certainly admire your use of your free time, sir. Too many people are consumed with their stupid families and even stupider jobs. They make for very dull conversation, so bully for you for enjoying yourself.
However, I must disagree with you in that the Kubrick version is quite a bit of fun. There's a great part…

Heh. Some friends and I were having a discussion about what's the best beer— a discussion topic we often explore. Harpoon, Old Peculiar, Shipyard, Green Flash, etc. The newcomer to our group (a law student, as I recall) jumped in with, "The best beer in the world is PBR!" If he was lucky, he was found as we left…

Midnight showing of "Raiders of The Lost Ark". Most of the audience wasn't even born when it was released, but it was the first movie that blew my little mind when I was a kid (my dad had promised to take me to see "The Fox & Hound"— a forgettable piece of animated, Disney tripe. When we got into the theater and he…

I think it would depend on the school of thought: Are intimate scenes between people of the same sex seen as a turn-on, or a driving (no pun intended) part of the narrative? If you're of the former perspective, there is a ton of gay/lesbian porn available for your perusal. If the latter, you're more likely to enjoy…