Didn't they do this on MST3K? Or am I thinking of "Overdrawn at the Memory Bank"?

Examine closer. You may notice some mention of "Meaty Toppings" as well.

…and why does it keeping blowing in the wind when THERE'S NO WIND ON THE MOON???

Dammit guys, I already blew my Christa McAuliffe jokes on that Lady Gaga-in-space story. Er, so, why did Mr. Spock stick his head in the toilet? Uh, anyone tell me how copper wire was invented??? (Coughs awkwardly & loosens tie, sweats profusely.)

Heh. recently had a porn discussion while out with some people, and recalled my first exposure to lesbians. "What, two ladies??? What's going on here??? Ohhh, I see…" Twelve-year old Bourbon Renewal started learning how to enjoy life at that moment.

I understand your pain. Whenever a Papa John's commercial touting their "cheesy topping" (they make a point to make sure not to say whether it's actual "cheese". Thanks, Papa John's legal department.) comes on, I practically tear my hair out in rage over their ad-department doublespeak.
And yes, there most…

I've always been a fan of abominations. I will agree with your stance on fruit salsas, however. The closest I've ever come to them was a wonderful green chutney that contained a whole Granny Smith apple and an orange. Together with a nice warm garlic naan, I temporarily forgot that bacon even existed.

Blame it on my encroaching vegetarianism, but a deep-dish with jalapenos, garlic, black olives, and pineapple is the puss 'n boots.

Heather Graham WILL find some reason to get fully nude in this…she always does.

Eh. My high school US History teacher was one of the few legitimately intelligent people I'd met throughout my academic career. He also married one of his former students a month after she graduated, which made him about a hundred times more awesome.

Heh. "Doody." I can't imagine why she didn't find more work after "Last Crusade." Don't diss Harrison Ford if you like having a paycheck, fraulein.

They were always a little too weird for me. I did, however enjoy the Ciccone Youth album. The lobotomized cover of "Into the Groove" was especially delightful.

Nice shout-out to Slayer, Heller. Tom Araya's lyrics are often underrated, but their clinical realism combined with the violent music fashions a uniqually disturbing listening experience. "Reign in Blood", their undisputed masterpiece, ties together such disparate social outliers as serial killers, nazi torturers,…

http://youtu.be/fq7AZux9IYw

Granted, she did look hot in that scene when they were putting her on the submarine. However, the German chick from "Last Crusade"…she more than made up for Spielberg's screeching harpy in "Temple of Doom".

We watched "Raiders of the Lost Ark" as a mandatory (yeah, "mandatory". Does anything kill fun more effectively than the word "mandatory"?) assembly, presumably to keep us occupied while the teachers did some sort of union-related "workshop". I'd seen it three years earlier, and, thanks to liberal parenting, I'd had…

Holy shit, I spent college dissecting lamprey eels for my Comparative Anatomy class, and figuring out derivatives for my calculus class. What the hell sort of school are you kids going to???

Yeah, and "Bill O'Reilly" sounds like "I'm a giant dickweed".

"See, black people watch TV like this: "Bomp-chicka-womp-chicka-womp-womp-womp", but white folks watch TV like THIS: "Neener-neener-dee-da-doodle".

Maine to Canada is pretty much a lateral move, "sans" the Francais Provincial.