My work is done.

Suspiria: How could something with so many bright, saturated colors be so fucking creepy?

The Vampire-Window scene in 'salem's Lot scared the shit out of me. It didn't help that my family was living in Maine at the time, and my sadistic older sister convinced me that our town was actually the town it was set in.

"Irreversible" is disturbing all around, but the most disturbing thing to me isn't the actual rape scene, it was the passerby walking into the tunnel in the background, seeing the chick getting brutally beaten & raped, and then immediately turning around and walking away. It may present a nihilistic view of humanity,…

Oh yeah, that reignites some of the Reagan-era nightmares of my childhood. The scene I found the freakiest was when the doctor was speeding back to Oklahoma City to try to rescue his family before the bombs fell, and he notices the huge traffic jam on the other side of the freeway of people trying to get AWAY from…

Don't get me wrong; the digital stuff is great for laying down some tracks in your apartment late at night, but I have some serious objections to calling this a legitimate "concert". I just hope the headphones they hand out to the lucky fans are fur-lined, or else there are going to a LOT of frostbitten ears. You…

The "no amplification" thing struck me as odd, too. So are they just running everything through headphones? Heck, I'll just go to Guitar Center and watch some little snotnose plunk away on the "Seek & Destroy" riff while he waits for an amp to become available.

Oh yeah, I think the fruit cocktail from the prison mess halls was a popular choice for this.

Just noticed that Darabont co-wrote the remake of "The Blob" tonight on the Halloween Horror-Thon. Not a bad remake if you can get past Kevin Dillon's rebel-without-a-cause posturing, or Shawnee Smith's mullet.

It's a natural response to something not being as hilariously bad as you expect it to be. I had the same reaction when I found Milla Jovovich's albums (but not when I found Alanis's pre-"…Pill" albums).

Yeah yeah. I used to be with it, but then they changed what it was. Now what I'm with isn't it, and what's it seems weird and scary to me, and it'll happen to you, too.

Duran Duran and Britney Spears are releasing an album of Slayer covers, at which point my life's dream will be fulfilled.

His kite not only tangles him up and hangs him from a tree, but then subjects him to a brutal torture-porn ritual.

A former client once gave me a recipe for Pruno. I only remember that involved chewing up slices of bread and spitting them into the mixture in order to extract the yeasts. I also learned that you can drink isopropyl alcohol (without dying) by filtering it through a few pieces of bread.

Yeah, Norris was bigger, but Lee was faster and in much better shape. In a barroom brawl, Norris might've been able to "take Lee apart", but in a ring (or "octagon", as it were) Norris would be panting for breath while Lee continued to dance around him. Landing a punch on someone that small & quick is much harder…

The dreaded "fire/desire" rhyme. Everyone who has ever incorporated it into their song should be shot in the back of the head (except Ronnie James Dio, of course).

There was a time I thought she might be sort of attractive if she cleaned herself up and wore some makeup, but the abrasiveness and uninformed liberal dogma of her old radio show destroyed all of that for me.

It got my interest when I saw "Lang" and thought it might be Artie Lang.

Simple solution: Just don't watch Glee or Dancing with the Stars. Trust me, this simple change will improve every aspect of your life.

Well, I actually lived "Bad Social Worker", and I would imagine it'd be fun to watch a movie about an extremely lazy man with a passive-aggressive stance toward authority struggle against a soul-crushing bureaucracy. "Mr. Renewal," my former supervisor once asked me, "Do you have any interest in being promoted to…