Spider-sex!  Spider-sex!  He cums right into my ass all day!

I had a similar experience forcing my wife to watch "Evil Dead 2".  When she saw Ash, she said: "This guy's not the hero is he?  He's a DORK!"  I replied, "That's the point, dear.  He is indeed a 'dork', but he's also a badass who kills demons with his chainsaw-hand".  She got hooked on pills, and we divorced six…

I date a Filipina.  Those people take pictures of EVERYTHING, ALL THE TIME.  And if they're not taking pictures, they want YOU to take pictures.  It makes me wish I could pull an "Escape from LA", but only for cell phone cameras.

I considered it, but decided against it out of respect for Roger Moore, the greatest Bond in history.

I got to see a midnight showing of it once (the version WITHOUT the shoehorned Burr scenes).  Godzilla's initial roar through surround speakers is genuinely terrifying, and I can understand how Hiroshima/Nagasaki survivors would enjoy having their trauma presented in such a rad form as a radiation-emitting dinosaur.…

I always thought President Garfield and President Harrison would make a cute couple.

It exceeded my (albeit low) expectations.  There's no way to top the original hallway fight scene though…best not to even try.  And Brolin's a pussy for not eating a live octopus.  The man obviously has no dedication to his art.

Good Christ, I hope you're being ironic; it's very hard to tell these days.  Steve Winwood's post-Traffic material was pretty rad too.  (Puts down newspaper, blasts "Higher Love" on the surround-sound, then bashes Paul Allen's skull in with an axe.)

Spin the wheel, Raggedy Man!

It seemed like a dumb movie when I saw the trailer a few months back.  You can't improve on "Godzilla" (1954, mind you), and you can't get much worse than "Transformers" (2007), so I guess this film is essentially the bland-tasting cream in the middle?

Shipyard Export/Blue Fin Stout out of Portland, Maine is the shit— heavy-duty, rock-solid ale that will make you take the best shit of your life.    Harpoon out of Massachusetts was also fantastic, but I haven't seen it in almost twenty years.  In a pinch, grab yourself a Sam Adams…just not the Cherry Wheat; that's…

Ugh. Just favorite "River of Dreams", and whatever pap Rod Stewart is peddling these days.

Oh God, they're all horrible.

You, sir, are what's wrong with society.

Milla Jovovich actually made some fine music during her career.  Granted, Zooey's shit probably sucks, but hey, give it a fair chance.

Wow.  Artists have become real assholes all of a sudden.  Bukowski would've bypassed all this lawyer shit, and just punch you in the cock if you tried taping one of his shows illegally.

And if I'm not mistaken, Rocky only had three fingers, Iommi-style.  Wow, this thread is way more fun than I could've expected!

Staying in school is how you get a wife, family, two-car garage, and a week's vacation at a resort on the Gulf of Mexico.  But seriously, the first time I really understood that life sucks is when my grade-school art teacher graded my assignment as an "F".  In retrospect, it was an appropriate introduction to a world…

They lacked a Dave Lombardo.  That dude was all: "My name is Dave, my baseball cap is on backwards, and I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass on the drums.  I'm all out of bubblegum."

It's even worse than you know.