Taxi Driver+"Exile on Main Street"= mass mayhem.  I'll be back with you in several days.

It all begins and ends with "Girl Drink Drunk" for me.  "I'M JUST TRYING TO FIND SOME PAPER CLIPS!!!!!"

You gotta pay the troll toll, if you wanna get this boy's hole!

"Dunt-dunt-da-dunt, Da-dunt—dunt-dunt-da-dunt!!!  It's four seconds from being a great hair-metal anthem.

…or the machine guns built into the guitar cases.

My favorite is the Led Zeppelin one where Robert Plant chirps, "Oooh, Satan is really Lord!"

Frankly I'm proud to live in an age where such a concept can come to realization.  Yes, folks, no matter how hare-brained your ideas, you can put it on digital video for next to nothing!

When ultra-violent jailbait starts getting boring, it's time to hang it up.

"Shyamalan" and "Cronenberg" in the same article— and not in a capacity such as, "Boy, that M. Night Shyamalan really sucks compared to an awesome filmmaker like David Cronenberg!"  I'm freaking out here!

THEY'RE TAKIN' OUR JOBS!!!!!!!

Or every other movie that came out in the early '90s with "American Something-or-other" as its title: American Pie, American Psycho, American Beauty, American Outlaw, &tc.

"Well, you're the man of the house!  I won't come in until you invite me!"  I'm totally using this line on my girlfriend's son.  If I wake up with a stake through my heart, avenge my death.

"Top 5 Most Disappointing Inventories"  Read hear now.  Ugh.

I remember turning my Bose speakers out the windows of my dorm room during spring break and blasting "More Human Than Human" on a loop while we did keg stands.  For one glorious evening, everyone in the Quad understood the awesomeness of the Astro-Creep.

TGIT: Thank God it's TUESDAY, you hung-over drones!!!!

It reminds me of some of those Seijun Suzuki yakuza movies, except this makes more sense.

I worked for a similar menopausal old bag who did everything she could to make the office miserable.  Finally a couple months ago I grew a pair and left after two hours one Tuesday morning.  I've been reading, drinking beer, and playing the violin ever since, and it's been FANTASTIC.

According to an old "Savage Love" article, urine is actually sterile and relatively safe to consume.  I was surprised at how much safer it is than my favorite pastime of ass-eating.

Rumor has it Defoe needed a stunt penis in "Antichrist" because his actual unit is too huge to look realistic on camera.  In spite of the frustrating spelling of his name, Defoe is pretty cool.

The old CW Idol spoof "Superstar USA" took this concept to its most logical extreme ten years ago.  Give me a Maury Povich, an Alannah Myles, and a CC Deville as celebrity judges, and I'll deliver the greatest reality show in TV history.