I suppose I shouldn't send you a bottle of Ed Hardy wine for Christmas, then, Santos?  It comes with a matching lighter.

Kyle Chandler does a nice Southern accent, too.

He needs to hit the nearest weekend flea market where they sell Southpole and Ecko stuff; they'll have both Affliction and Ed Barfy shirts in his size.

I miss Horsefellow.  And I wish the gerbil hadn't gotten so racist and repulsive.

I hadn't yet been confronted by the fashion cancer that is Affliction t-shirts, so when I went to see Daughtry open for my favorite band in 2008 in Anaheim (two days after I was laid off from my job of 13 years), I thought they were Daughtry concert shirts, because it seemed like every guy in the arena was wearing the…

I don't think Michael Kors lives in the real world.  If you don't want to carry one of his ginormous bags around and your dress doesn't have pockets, guess where the cell phone goes?  Uh huh — right between the girls.  (I also take just the car key and put that in my bra, too.)  I'm sure Olivier would faint dead…

i haven't seen this yet, but seriously, how do you call yourself a designer when you don't understand cup sizes?  I think Tim was just as amazed as everyone watching at home.

The Devils deny they play the most boring trap hockey to ever hit the ice, and they have nothing going on in the way of minor-league development teams.  They just defaulted on a $100M loan payment, and two of their three owners cashed in their shares.  The move to Newark has not been a good one for them; they should…

Breaking Dawn was twice as long as any of the other ones.  And it's so crazy and all over the place that it really should be two movies.

They were booked for the NJPAC in Newark — not the Prudential Center, where the nearly-bankrupt Devils play shit hockey, but the building where they normally have opera and ballet.  WTF?  The DiLeo brothers are from Point Pleasant, so I'm sure they were kind of scratching their heads, too, but I guess an arena was too…

Ah, so he's got Vince Neil Vocal Syndrome.

I unforgave her for creating that ridiculous challenge on Top Chef where they had to create a vegan meal without soy or tofu.

The night my grandmother died, we distracted my father by sitting there and watching about six hours of Carpocalypse on Spike with him.  (She lived in Vermont, he lives in Pennsylvania.)

That's why it's a good thing to have about two gallons of Pennsylvania Dutch egg nog on hand — the combination of egg nog, rum, brandy and whiskey makes everything and everybody except Dick Cheney and Sarah Palin bearable.

That would be totally appropriate, considering he was released from the New Jersey Nets last year, who can barely be called an NBA team, and is a free agent with no prospects, strike or no strike.

Have you ever stood up on a concert stage during a really big arena show and looked out at the crowd?  I did, several times, as the guest of a band, and you can literally see minutial details going all the way to the back of the floor.  You can pick out faces, on the floor and first level, and while you can't really…

"Threatening?"  No, reality TV has already invaded television and killed it like those Chinese snakehead fish invade a pond and kill everything off.

Her Usenet posts - back in the days when Usenet was wild and wooly - about her and Kevin Costner's affair were legendary.  They would have made a great book.

I spent the weekend in an alcoholic haze trying to forget what everyone tells me I should always remember (I can just look out the window at work when I want to remember). I think I watched Gangland, World's Dumbest, a documentary called 102 Minutes, and that ridiculous National Geographic Channel interview with…

When I first saw the ads, I thought Bucky was Amish.