"After being released, it flopped."

"Hahaha, look at that loser all by herself reading a Kindle!"

Wait a second…do you drive a Ford Festiva?

Totally. Some of us listen to tough masculine music like Queen.

So that's what Splatterfest 2012 was actually all about.

Sniglet contest: When a word or phrase of text perfectly aligns in consecutive rows, as in "Thursday, October 23" above (at least on my browser).

Let's goofy things up a bit!:

An even poorer, just slightly more high-pitched, Chevy Chase impersonation.

Lemon.

Something something short pianist.

Ignoring the non-Damon installment in the series:

Jason Bourne goes undercover in the Amish community for a premise never ever done in the past (I said never):

"Tough Tough Toughskins!!"

*grand mal seizure sighs, wondering when he'll get his day in the sun*

Palahniuk's got to go!

Smells like Team Spirit.

*flourishes all over self*

My favorite is when they go demitasse-to-mouth.

I stream, you stream, we all stream for ice cream!

The A.V. Club