"There's so much sodium in that!" By all that is hipster-holy… JUST SAY SALTY. Is it possible to eat something without ironic detachment? Or is this what an eye roll and Arcade Fire tastes like?

Denote all blasters include the "don't hit the principle cast" setting.

She's not entirely right.

Stretch a little harder for the joke, AV Club. You can do it, donchaknow!

When will someone make a porn out of UnshavenMarc?!

He who smelt it, dealt it, my friend.

A chance to finally limit my cable box to the important stuff! Food Network, the Cooking Channel, Nick, Cartoon Network, and that one odd South Korean K-Pop channel that plays covers of "Daydream Believer" on the hour!

Mocking Seth Rollins.

I also know Al is allergic to the fresh waters of Lake Minnetonka.

Maybe we can get the Dredrick Tatum Punch-Out, maven?

He's in Chicago, under the name Grey Dickson. Shhhhh.

Where's Jean Paul Valley when you still wished he never existed…

"If Punk loses, we riot."

*looks left* *looks right* …
Just the right amount of Steve Blackman.

Too late nerds. That Franklin and Bash sign is MINE. It'll go PERFECT with my Rizzoli and Isles fanny pack.

Needs more Sonic Shakes.

Everyone, Martin.

I prayed so hard (Pray, Fishman, Pray) that Owens would mention that Brock Lesnar beat the tar out of John Cena, and no matter how much he didn't give up… he lost-lost-lost. But that might have been countered with EVEN MORE LOUDNESS from Cena spouting his non-catchphrases (that "no suit" EVER came up with… just put on…

We'll do you one better: Free download with a purchase of any sub at Subway, when you add the freshness of guacamole*.

It's like you literally want Sandler to include a segment in his next film wherein he trashes the AV Club while the entirety of Yankee Stadium projectile defecate onto the elitist liberal d-bag hipster stand-in for your site. They'll cheer and fart and clap and poop… all while Sandler kisses a tarted up Jessica Alba…