That's great, except even if you lashed all the lifeboats together, you still wouldn't have enough to save everyone because THERE WERE ONLY ENOUGH LIFEBOATS FOR HALF THE PEOPLE ON THE TITANIC YOU STUPID CHILDREN…sorry, calm down, calm down.

Shhhhh, honey. It was for the best.

"Cave Dwellers" is a prime "entry episode," meaning one to show potential new fans to introduce them to the series. I mean, if you don't break into laughter during the whole "Ator goes hang gliding" scene, you're probably not going to get the show.

Only the President in question is far easier to go after. Trump is like if Nixon himself was Deep Throat.

Precisely. Also known as the White House Eunuch. And I don't mean like a "Game of Thrones" version.

You know, people have long questioned Keanu's intelligence based on certain film roles of his, but the guy did have the smarts to decline to participate in that disaster. He also noted that ocean liners are not exactly known for, you know, speed.

There's some chatter that Newt hopes to be Chief of Staff after Bad Scrabble Hands gets the boot. Which would be fascinating if true, because it's the rare person who'd actually want to join this dumpster fire of an administration.

No, but I'm fairly certainly co-starring in "Corky Romano" killed Chris Penn.

They even made Brian Austin Green a convincing badass.

Ah. Well, hanging yourself by accident while engaging in a sex act in the closet doesn't sound nearly as impressive.

Clarke was one of the few things I felt worked. Not that I had much doubt; years of playing a dragon riding pyromaniac certainly builds some action cred.

Only the Five Point Exploding Heart Technique.

Also Linda Hamilton in some really awful age makeup.

Watching Chiba in that scene, I found it nearly impossible to believe that this was the guy from "Invasion of the Neptune Men."

Mostly because John as he's built up in the first two movies works much better as this offscreen legend then as an actual flesh and blood character. The man is never going to live up to the myth.

No shit. The saga ended with "T2." Everything wrapped up. They even had that awful deleted ending with John as a senator and Linda Hamilton in gruesome age makeup. But no, money talked and, well, you know.

Judging by the aftermath, I'd say it on the level of Lucio Fulci on acid. That restaurant is not meeting the health code standards for the next inspection.

Furlong said yes to "Pet Sematary II," so don't give him too much credit.

I assume you've seen "Hell or High Water," then? If not, please do, as that's right up your alley.

Every scene with Gordon Lieu or Carradine is a gem.