Carrey v. Williams
I''d say, "please don't let this happen," but I don't really fear that it will.

I agree that the "Gen-[letter]" phenomenon is kind of silly, but such that it is recognized, Generation X ended with birth dates starting somewhere in the mid to late 70s. Gen Y picked up where Gen X left off. Transformers was a mid-80s phenomenon. So plenty of Gen Y-ers, including myself, remember Transformers…

Loved Ones?
"[T]housands of iPhone 4 hopefuls lined up to endure hours of . . . isolation from loved ones . . . ."

"Now I'm gonna haul ass to Lollapalooza!"

Fox Searchlight presents…

Astronomy for you pathetic non-believers!

what?
"Comic Superstars"? David Spade, The King of Queens, and the "Makin' Copies" Guy barely qualify as Comic Red Dwarves.

And now that I think about it, the existence of Glenn Beck proves not only the conspiracy, but the longstanding existence of Mormon-Vampire hybrid breeding chambers. Do you think they have to wear the magical underwear in the coffin?

Mormons!
A Mormon-owned genealogy website is reporting that the star of a Mormon-themed vampire movie is related to a real vampire. I smell a Mormon-Vampire conspiracy. If clean-cut looking young men in short-sleeved white button-downs come knocking on your door after sundown, DO NOT ANSWER!

John Lithgow
I thought for sure that Lithgow would be playing Ape Lincoln.

Oh, princess fair, willth thou grant thy dainty hoof in marriage?

If it helps, Gary Young was struggling to play Pavement songs when he first recorded them, so I doubt he will sound much different today.

Wow. I remember this video from Beavis and Butthead (who could forget it?), but I wasn't aware of Pavement's existence at the time.

Dammit, I'm wrong again. The obvious worst choice is Officer Walker. He's the only person on the show with a known track record of being unable to dodge paint. Observe:

C'mon. Prez might start out bad, but by round 4, he'll have learned a lot. You'll find yourself wondering why you ever wanted to punch him in his chin-butt in the first place.

Never mind. It's actually Butchie.

Worst potential paintball teammante
Proposition Joe or Sgt. Landsman?

Ugh
In 20 years, when the finger-cancer epidemic strikes a surprising number of white upper-middle class douchebags, I'll be laughing… laughing from my rocket castle on the moon.

From what I understand, Gamestop employees are basically required to push one or more of the following in any given transaction:
-Strategy Guides
-Pre-ordered games
-magazine subscriptions

Does this mean…
…we will hear an excruciatingly loud grinding noise every time the turtles go into or out of their shells?