"Well, fuck, this ceiling ain't gonna paint itself"

Whether you like his politics or not, George Will is a great fan & historian of early submersible technology.

“In a perfect world, what would you do?”

You just described the Platonic Ideal of the AV Club comment.

If David Attenborough narrates the end of the world, I might be OK with it.

Don't drink the wine! I hope it's not too late.

Only poor people take buses, bro. Duh.

Did you know they don't teach skywriting in schools anymore? Sad!

No Stairway? Denied!

I blame Title IX for this.

Ok, and I guess The Rock is gonna play the Tooth Fairy next?

Star Wars is turning into Law & Order…eventually every famous person gets to make an appearance in some franchise if they want.

Is that an Emmy'n'gin'n'tonic he's enjoying? That's one of my favorite cocktails.

I asked every mulleted kid in Houston but I only got blank stares.

2 Broke Girls is the TV equivalent of a kid repeating a racist joke that he heard adults laugh at. It's too painfully dumb to actually be offensive.

Has anyone ever actually ordered a beer at Chipotle? I just assumed they were props in those coolers.

Im not sure if you're actually a Brit, but this is the most English description of a fight Ive ever heard.

*smashes double frontier on the ground in disgust*

A likely outcome. Also why I never went through with my plan to hide out in a liquor store.

It's totally related. 3am is Conan's new timeslot.