See, normally cans of vegetables can't talk. Maybe you didn't know that.

Look, your mother wants to go see Trans-Siberian Orchestra, so you're going mister!

All of this nation's Tonyas deserve better mothers.

Freeform isn't in to, like, labels, man.

Very few shows are actually measured by viscosity, but I'd say…3.

I am definitely too old for this overpriced techno-bullshit.

It's kinda unfair to lump all movies with a boy-dumps-girl-and-she-gets-mad plot element together. Vanilla Sky was pretty cool. Wait, do we like Vanilla Sky? I did (the Tom Cruise version and its non-union Mexican equivalent).

They're obviously referring to the "Value Grab" menu at Rally's/Checkers.

The planned replacement is much better: Rabbi Alibi
Or maybe you prefer SHAMan?
Or, wait…Fake-ir

On magic beans, probably. Curse you magic beans!

Get me a small fries, wouldya?

Hey, Reg, do you have the phonebook for Hokkaido, Japan? Also, unrelated, can I use your phone?

It was molting season. Its perfectly natural.

I don't know what you've been led to believe, but fucking dinosaurs is actually not that easy. Especially a stegosaurus.

I got some tail in Myanmar once. Nobody wrote a story about me, though.

But…but, but….Hootie!

I don't believe hanging out with Chuck Norris would be fun.

mmmmm…giant party sub. Swimming in vinegar, just the way I like it.

So coronering is basically like the HVAC business? Eventually you just add "…and sons" to the side of your van and your kids take over?

That's a serious grip you got going there. You might want to ease up on that a bit. Imagine holding a wounded bird. I think that's for golf, but it applies here too.