I think it's more truck v. other truck, which one should be peed on, etc.

Yes, this is one of those internet things where no one actually has the viewpoint opposite of yours, they're just obviously lying to get a rise out of you and other reasonable-minded people.

Too bad, I was kinda curious how he would rewrite Candle In The Wind for this.

Wine.

Shane. Shane! Come back! Bye, Shane. I mean Barack.

He's gonna slum around the political equivalent of double-A baseball for a while and then come back?

I wear a helmet-mounted GoPro to every concert. But I pay the TicketMaster camera inconvenience fee, so Im allowed.

Space cattle? Oooh…maybe they're like buggalo from Futurama. I'd watch that.

That's a TLC original, actually. I think Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes wrote the lyric "Living under house guess I'm living I'm a mouse".

Right. Just give 'em some chocolate. Really improves the flavor, too.

Guinea pigs, however, are delicious.

I love when Edith & Archie sing that line at the start of All in the Family. I think it's in the 2nd verse.

Brevity is…wit

Thank you.

BATS AREN'T BUGS!!

They are pants that convert to shorts by unzipping the legs. Guess you were just rich enough to buy both jeans AND jean shorts, but the rest of us weren't so lucky!

8 year olds, Dude.

Or dumb ones. Maybe he was 22.

Right. This is also why one ninja can defeat scores of bad-guy ninjas. Just send 2 or 3, not 10! It's like republicans don't watch bad kung fu movies.

It's a well established medical fact that the worst thing that can happen from being shot in the face is that your bill/mouth might spin around to the other side of your head.