I think the GOP should have to carry Trump to term and then put him up for adoption. There's lots of parties that can't have candidates of their own. Are the Know Nothings still a thing? Maybe they'll take him.

My current relationship contract has a pretty low base salary, but if I hit all my incentives, I'll do alright.

Dry clean only?

Oh no, they got it. You don't even want to know what "jet ski" means in some circles.

The White Cliffs of Dover?

Man, Getty Images has a pretty comprehensive stock photo library. What use could there be for that photo other than this very article?

I saved punk by burning down a Hot Topic.

Oooh…you must go to one of them fancy schools.

Don't they just have an 'enhance' button like on CSI? I don't know what's taking so long.

Many Koreans snicker at her name because umlaut is actually a common slang term for penis over there.

Yeah, but it comes with diplomatic immunity.

Young teenager me LOVED The Lords of Discipline. I must have read it a half dozen times between age 14 and 18. I remember going back to it around age 30, and…the magic was gone. I read less than 50 pages before stopping altogether. The book meant a lot to me at a certain time in my life, and I was OK just leaving it…

Check out this guy and his fancy name brand ham salad.

Good one! That's what I really learned in college, too!

What about tig ol' bitties?

Now there's a haircut you could set your watch to.

It's actually a jump to the left, then a step to the right. He's doing the Time Warp.

Eh, doesn't Fox have some lawns to cut or maybe a shelf unit that needs to be assembled? They could have earned their keep doing odd jobs around the studio.

"The readers came up with these so this is totally not my fault."

Tool's Undertow had a track 69, which, yes, lame. But "Damn you! Let the rabbits wear glasses!" still makes me chuckle.