I always go by girth.

I'm watching the debate later tonight on Hulu so don't tell me who won.

Zoning laws held it back for a while. Mostly douchebag setback requirements.

I got a whole pack of Irr sex at TJMaxx for, like, 7 bucks. So what if one leg is a little longer than the other? No one noticed!

I've got it. Wikipedia Brown. Boom. It writes itself from there. Well, other people write it for you from there, you just moderate it.

What's confusing about a couple of guys doing some shirtless canoing?

Few men are perfect cylinders, however.

Why do you hate Neil DeGrasse Tyson? Did he debunk some minor aspect of a movie you made?

Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

Probably all the horny older woman who live in my area who just want to fuck, like, right now!

If you've had a gem like that just loaded up, waiting for the right place to use it, I commend your level of restraint. I would've blurted that out somewhere the minute I found it.

Who knew NASCAR was the most progressive sport out there?

Well she was probably confused when you offered to, uh, "poll the electorate".

The election is 13 months away. Nominating conventions are about 9 months away. Even the earliest primaries are 6 months away. Americans (the conservative half, anyway) are fully aware the only thing they're voting on right now is mascot/democrat goat-getter. Let's all fuckin' chill.

Hey, that's not fair. It's actually been 23 starting QBs since the Browns returned in '99.

Have you checked the nutritional info on those? The sodium content alone is one whole pillar of salt.

Well, then you're probably the right guy to ask, what is "Possum Kingdom" about? It's mostly about boating, right?

I think he means like Batting Practice - y'know, with one guy safely behind a cage.

Now I can't even trust his football-watching recommendations. But Jon Gruden never lied about 9/11, right? So I guess I'm going to Hooters this Sunday.

There already was a communist spy code-named Sparrow. His name was Adil, he came to Springfield, and he had some interesting points about the machinery of capitalism being oiled with the blood of the workers.