America is a forgiving nation. If only Michael had the good sense to out himself as a kiddie banger…

typical backyard confab
Sometimes I feel like Jill doesn't understand that my obsession with cars and power tools is all about compensating for my penis, Wilson.

Bork! Bork! Bork!

It has been said
the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. So Kanye kind of called W out as a super racist.

None of this means anything
if I can't tell Sarah Palin that her baby is retarded because God hates her.

Hey, our Constitution and laws were inspired by those goatherds!
What"s that? Adaptation of British common law?
OK, but the founding fathers all totally wanted America to be a Christian nation.
Jefferson was a Deist, you say?
Just stop interrupting me with your "facts."

He also didn't prevent you from recruiting another follower.

What are you guys talking about? Dogmeat could take a couple of mini nukes to the head without flinching.

"I hope she doesn't plan to tip him. Her pizza is turning ice cold!"

Lots of people make that mistake. For some reason they went in through his underboobs for his heart surgeries. Easy to mistake them for implant scars.

Hell yeah!

Saudi Royal family ordered it, and that douche Alwaleed who owns 5% of Newscorp has been throwing it our faces ever since.

Please. She's got an entire universe to view, yet she's watching him jerk it? She's into it.

You broke your streak of commenting on the T.I. to tell everybody that The Hater was never funny for this? Get your priorities straight!

The Gay and Lesbian Victory Fund? That's adorable.

I am barely noticing Fox turning into a hardcore pornography network.

I think it would be better if she were just a couple of years behind the times and sang some Sean Kingston-style bastardized reggae or dancehall.

You know what this is?
It's a condom. And you know what else? I hate wearing 'em. So I'm not gonna anymore. No hooker's gonna tell me what to do.

"God help the man who says if you'd'a known me when," isn't quite a literal rip off of Glory Days. So that's, um, progress.

OMC? Orchestral Manoeuvres…