I like this guy's moxie. I currently have Donald Trump ranked #2 on my GOP ballot, right behind getting my dick caught in a zipper.

That is a terrible idea. I orchestrated a genocidal invasion of Iraq for the sole purpose of enhancing my personal wealth. Why would I lend my voice to a forum that does not take my methodical web of lies seriously? Thanks, but I am just going to sit on my pile of money and occasionally appear on whatever media will…

Although this seems like the least appropriate place ever for a discussion of Barack HUSSEIN Obama, I guess this show could use the comments.

Racist

I told you guys, they literally hate freedom.

Music To My Dick is the title of a concept album I've spent several years on. I'll see you in court, EL James!

I'll say. FIFA, Civil Asset Forfeiture, Nuclear Weapons, and Men harassing women online have all suffered enough! You're a bully, John Oliver!

YAY!!! All of my wonderful dreams have come true!

The conventional wisdom is that FOX News and the Republican Party have a symbiotic relationship, which is and isn't true. The way it's supposed to work is that we feed them viewers, and they feed the viewers right-wing propaganda. But then FOX News realized they could get even more viewers by being obviously wrong…

I am qualified to do so, but it's more satisfying to casually pace in an almost cliche villainous manner, making various wisecracks as your underlings do the "dirty work" so to speak.

I fully support this. If anyone claiming to be me says otherwise, please apprehend this impostor using excessive force.

OMFG FOX News is basically in bed with the goddamn terrorists now. Fuck this even I am done with them. I can't wait to rectal feed the living shit out of O'Reilly.

I want to get pooped on by Twilight Sparkle.

You guys all believe in E=mc^2? This is awkward.

I would ask for at least $10m.

Fuckin' magnets, how do they work? Sorry wrong band…

I used to like cold MGD a lot, but I have no reason to drink stuff like that anymore unless I'm at a game or something. I'll just have wine if I want to get drunk or fancy beer if I want a beer.

"Who Am I (What's My Name?)" is Snoop Dogg's most skippable track. Your name is already on the album, Snoop!

But you are actually trying to make the right decisions, not trolling for rage clicks. I happen to like Please Mr. Postman and Roll Over Beethoven, but I'm not going to start WWIII over them either.

I mean, no shit Yoko. This sort of adds up, because I did not buy his other explanation at all, that he just blindly took random lines from Elvis or someone and accidentally wrote this song. Man, he was really a weird guy sometimes.