There was no Smart-O-Meter last week, so I've decided to take matters into my own hands.

Everything post-Update trailed in comparison (though Obama as Cosby was pretty funny) to pre-Update, but all of those pre-Update sketches were really, really good (save the monologue, saved only by Paul Simon and Stefon, two people I never thought I'd use in the same sentence.)

"Pete, you gotta direct this one."
"I don't know, Steve. The last time I came off of doing a big epic movie, I was so exhausted and confused that I decided to remake King Kong."
"Jack Black was hilarious in that one."

"Thank God Whitney Houston died, amirite?" -Shallow Music Executive Who Should Die

"Too many conversations on this show sound like dialogue between a pair of college freshman who just realized that, y’know, if we’re all gonna die, like, what does all of this matter, man?"

"That's cause he's a MUSLIM!" - Larry the Cable Guy

Holy shit.

[INSERT CRITICALLY BELOVED LITTLE KNOWN CANCELLED SHOW HERE] gets renewed for another season.

I would pay a lot of money to see the faces of Disney executives listening to Joy Division for the first time.

How dare you rank Wes Anderson movies without seeing Fantastic Mr. Fox.

"Betty White Night" is actually a compilation of the best cumshots of 2011.

Alexander Payne didn't even mention the co-writers of the "The Descendants" Nat Faxon and Jim Rash (DEAN PELTON!!!!) in his acceptance speech.

I'm sure little Blue Ivy Carter will grow up to be a fine young woman with such great parental nannies.

As a Rangers fan, I loved every minute of it. From a hockey fan's perspective, I just hope this continues every year. Honestly, I could care less who's in it. Though I have to say that compared to last year (which didn't have a team I was a fan of, therefore allowing me to sympathize with each) it's hard to have a…

Rock of Ages can be faithfully recreated by snorting a line of coke and listening to Journey's Greatest Hits.

I see your five and raise you TEN:

Principles are what movie stars laugh at on the way to the bank.

Terrible nominations. I can't wait for the Oscars to nominate the right films and then not watch the broadcast.

From the "46 Long/Denial, Anger, Acceptance" post:

I laughed so hard at this that I had to rewind the first minute of Parks and Rec because I was still laughing.