I would ONLY watch a Transformers film if I was promised the dialogue was badly translated to Chinese and back first.

You can't cantonese to cheap trnslators get anything right.

I'm laughing like mad imagining every moment where Groot tells someone he's Groot replaced by things like, "They were killing their own citizens. Unarmed civilians!" ::big Groot smile::

Are you sure you weren't watching a dub where Stephen Chow was played by an elderly woman?

Is there a special Chinese cut of the film where that badass-looking Chinese robot doesn't get destroyed within 30 seconds of being deployed?

War! WAAARRR!

How do they prevent the problem of politicians running and stumbling madly to win the "tough on crime" race? Have Orkin come and spray for politicians?

I think Darwin described such a fetish. It's remarkably common in the animal kingdom, including humans.

For a while, I was confused when people complained about how annoying Tumblr was, but then I realized that there were people on Tumblr doing something other than reblogging GIFs and quotes from their favorite TV shows and movies.

From the outside, it really seems to me like one of those lifestyles that would be terribly fraught and draining. I'm an introvert, though, and I like my socialization limited and simple. Not everyone is like that, I suppose. Also, folks don't tend to write to Dan Savage when they're feeling stable and happy.

"Honey, think of your deathclock!" ::points to a clock on the wall, with a helpful sign above that says 'Honey's deathclock'::

Suddenly, my thoughts turn to Battlefield Earth.

Bronies flock around people and try to touch them nowadays? Were you dressed as a horse and/or covered in pheromones, or did these fellows have a screw loose?

"Fuck you, Sarge." ::raised middle finger:: — Beetle Bailey

So he isn't one of those charming, tiny, little people who enjoy martinis and conceal laser guns up their butts?

Has he figured out a way yet to make Jaden's movies automatically download to your iPhone?

"Welcome to Earth-616!" ::punch::

I thought the Borrowmen were all tiny, little people who lived under the floorboards and took like bits of thread and pieces of food when you weren't looking.

Gene Hackman shows up as the former sorcerer supreme, wearing thick glasses and a clear, plastic raincoat.

"You see a lotta weird stuff, traveling the astral plane. I could tell you some stories." "Steve! You finished fixin' the washer yet?" "I'm lookin' for mah wrench!"