Donald Trump's speeches are a lot like Michael Richards dealing with hecklers.

Well, considering Donald J. Trump's negligible net worth, he needs all the residuals he can get his tiny babyhands on …

"They drove a dump truck full of money up to my house! I'm not made of stone!"

Unless there's another mass shooting.

I'm opposed to chestnuts. They're lazy.

Get a map of the Middle East and throw some darts.

And no ass pennies!

You shut your whore mouth! T. Swizzle is a national treasure!

Didn't Kevin Smith have a fictional mascot called MUBI?

I'm just glad Klaus Kinski never went into politics. Europe has had to deal with enough insane Germans.

Shannon Hoon's ashes are on sale at the Dollar Store.

— Bill Clinton's advice on any number of topics.

No one likes a prequel.

It's not his fault!

Until Election Day.

If you call me that again, I'll sock you in the mouth.

Don Cherry?

George Wendt's.

I can't. I'm having a breakfast at Tiffany's.

"I've heard otherwise." — A used condom.