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Bob Hope is God
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I thought she was Kurdish?

I'm now a believer in Hamiltonian democracy!

Huge tracts of land!

I think she could do a convincing gender-swapped Dave Foley cosplay.

Lootcrate? They are curated and amazing.

Pumpkin Spice Beer? Blecch!
**goes back to drinking some Old English**

Can we get a ruling from R. Kelly?

It's the foundation of Jim Crow law in the South.

SCOTT WALKER [fapping aggressively, Bible open beside him]: Convict him! Convict him! Ahhh … I'm cumming!

I imagine law and order Republicans are conflicted with this one. On the one hand, every conviction appeals to the bloody-minded masses in this blessed election year. On the other hand, he's white and straight.

IROC Z, muthafuckas!

I still consider the Vice Presidency worth less than a bucket of warm piss.

He drinks Thunderbird from the bottle wearing on wife-beaters and boxer shorts.

Laura Linney? I'll be in my bunk.

1996 was a halcyon year devoid of dumbass Star Wars prequels.

But I'm using my Oscar Pistorius Semi-Automatic Handgun and Can-opener.

Rawhide was actually a prequel to MASK.

I think Angie Harmon is rather fetching.

"Ah, what the Christ!"

But the US will lose to Russia in the Vodka Drinking Down-hill Slalom.