My Trump jokes are so bad they stay in business instead of going bankrupt!

Unless he gets hit by a bus.

No, Domestic Terrorists have spines. You don't. Coward.

It's not Trump's fault he bankrupts every business he touches.

Is this the end for Zombie Barry Goldwater?

People still take this terrible businessman seriously? No wonder our economy is fucked.

Joe Pesci and Tom Cruise were unavailable.

Will they do the "Hung me on a hook" joke at an abortion clinic?

What next? The right to vote?

MRA HALF-WIT [fapping aggressively]: Um, yeah, red pill tyranny etc.

She did make Havoc and Love and Other Drugs.

I'll be in my bunk.

"He's right, you know!" — David Foster Wallace, prepping his noose.

Hemp Tampons sounds like a joke from The Young Ones.

Why do you think Finnegans Wake is such a bestseller?

Where? Do we even accept checks anymore?

"I get that reference." — Captain America

I'm not aware of this version of Freemasonry, but I'm game.
**puts on Masonic apron**

Oh no, Virginia's in the pond again.

"Quark, why is this funeral gift made of worthless gold?"