Surfer on Acid

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

Don't stare, just take a quick glans.

I'm still reeling from Paul Schneider leaving Parks and Rec!

Lava-hot take alert: House of the Devil—while succeeding as an early '80s pastiche and thus stroking the egos of a bunch of self-described cineastes—was actually kind of boring.

No, it wasn't. It was part of a hypothetical dialogue between two consenting adults about what the ground rules would be for their first sexual encounter. About non-rapey as you can get.

My wife briefly toyed with the idea of doing some roller derby and I was quite proud of my pitch for her moniker: Susan B. Agony.

[Steps to mic, consults notes, adjusts glasses, clears throat, inhales]

Turns out, both moms were named Cartha.

Just need to scarab a bit more financing.

The so-called liberal media's breathless coverage of it did her no favors, either.

Hey, if it runs downhill and makes you silly!

You also had some orange flower water just laying around?

I'm getting a hint of "Councilman Les Wynan" from the supposed instigating letter.

Gash with flash?

This guy fucks!

Cool story bro: The acoustic version of "Everlong" came on the radio just as I was pulling into the parking garage on my first day back from paternity leave.

[Expletive deleted]

RIP.

Whooa-oh, Black Betty, MBMBAM…