*Wakes up from his slumber*… Did someone say Napa Valley?!

Is this what passes for entertainment in today's cinema? My god! A man's penis should be held delicately and handled with no more brutality than a gentle pat… none of this… what was it again… a piranha? Biting off a chap's willy-man?! Dear Lord.

Indeed, though it is several shades less charming than the similarly shakily-drawn, though infinitely superior, Dr Katz.

How do this go
my grandson Benjamin never stops talking about this 'First' malarky!

My boys- I must say I can see your creative juices are truly flowing! Wonderous works of televisual bliss exist in your mind's eye.

My boys- please remember to elucidate what the story is!

A bunch you say?!

It appears to me
that any philistine can have his televisual programme realised by taking a pun and spinning a story out of it. Now, fellow critics, I propose a wager; the most inventive pun-to-programme-idea comment left underneath will receive a very special prize! Get creative, boys, get creative!

Ravenous hunks, you say? Come closer and tell me more, my boy!

But is it also a penis?!

You are quite, quite undeserving of that moniker, so-called 'Shitty Screenwriter'. You have woven together a complex, gripping tale that exponentially expands the world of the story in ways the news report merely hinted at. Stabber and stabbee locked in some primordial battle not just for a seat to hear some panel but…

Oh Grammar you laugh at me again!

Can someone explain to me their ponytail… whatever you call its…
My grandson dragged me to this abomination (despite the fact that there was a perfectly serviceable romantic comedy playing at the same time)

I stand before your Lordship humbled but not bowed; what crime do I stand accused of? If it is luxuriating on a Sunday afternoon, then yes; I am guilty. And if it is considering myself the intellectual superior of my children and their offspring, then yes; I am guilty of that, too. And if it is enjoying the occasional…

Let me present you a fine bottle of Chablis, Sheltie; I couldn't agree with you more.

Her father must be so proud!

::collapses in pain::

Was I the only one…
who thought that this would be a dramatic telling off the recent stabbing over a seat incident? The headline is highly misleading.

A foregone conclusion
Reece Witherspoon; she can do drama and comedy!

::Ends the hug, clearly aroused::