When I was a teenager, I once ate a 7/11 hotdog that had somehow been filled with liquid cheese, like some kind of Twinkie from hell. It remains the worst food-related decision I've ever made.

They've lived there for 10 years, but the hauntings have only started within the last year? Have they considered that the real ghost might be…puberty?

My wife's car has a USB port and for some reason we can't figure out, if you plug your phone into it, it immediately begins playing all the songs on the phone in alphabetical order with no way to stop it. The only workarounds are to unplug the phone or turn on the radio. Eventually she just downloaded a 20 minute…

True story, "Cracked Rear View" was the first album I ever owned. I'll be ahead of the game!

Oooohh bacon I loooove your waaaay

Sounds like a plan!

Eh, I can't really work up any outrage about this. I don't pay for Spotify, but I certainly avail myself of their service on a daily basis. They gotta make money somehow- that's kind of how we've set up our whole way of life.

"Very clean." Unlike Freed's criminal record HEY-O haha thanks folks, please tip your servers.

I watched The Lake House pretty recently, actually, and that thing is a fucking mess. Keanu keeps all the letters in the attic of his house, but when we see the house from the outside -which happens constantly throughout the entire movie- there's clearly no attic. The whole fucking thing is see-through, and there's no…

A man-animal getting leverage over a Psychlo?! That'll be the day!!

Anyone who looks down on you for enjoying a giant monster movie would be among the first to be consumed by the giant monsters when they finally come.

Why does Godzilla - the largest of the monsters- not simply eat the rest of humanity?

MAHK WAHLBEHG STAHDIES WIDDA MINAH IN FIAHBAHL WHISKEY

Man Bun Ken looks like Sokka from Avatar, if Sokka didn't have any self-respect.

"Mommy, why isn't my groin a featureless wasteland?"

Tie with jeans??? THE YOUTH TODAY HAVE NO SENSE OF DECENCY

That picture is like something out of a stress dream induced by a full-season Riverdale binge.

No sabes nada, Jon Snow!

You poor son of a bitch. Without It's-It, it's no wonder they're called "flyover states".

Gregor Mendel angrily tweets the the address of the Sinclair family home.