Hey, dude hasn't been in a movie since 2013, audiences are gonna be jazzed to see him again! Right? …right?

I legit laughed out loud at the one where he got as far as "a hidden toilet camera" and then immediately and correctly identified it as a real episode.

I think I would enjoy watching Hanna shoot people in the heart whether or not she had a personal motivation for wanting to do so.

The sequence isn't without its charms, but it really just kills the momentum of the movie for me.

EXTREMELY

I legitimately laughed very hard at the reveal that Colin Farrell was really Johnny Depp in a mustache the whole time. What a terrible movie.

I found the seemingly endless interlude with the vacationing family to be pretty tedious. I get it, movie, she's finding the love and acceptance she never even knew she was missing, can we get back to shooting people in the heart yet?

Gotta blame somethin'!

Clearly it means the Prada fashion label and the Onion AV Club are in collusion to pass Russian propaganda on to our decent American eyes! This is all CLEARLY spelled out in an elaborate acrostic in the scripts of three non-consecutive episodes of I Love Lucy WAKE UP SHEEPLE WAAAKE UPPPP

"Say 'I love you, Tina. I'm not a toilet, I'm a boy.'"

It's no coincidence that Pravda is spelled with an AV!

Yes, it weighs one ton and they're constantly washing it, almost obsessively so. It's all right there in the name of the paper, I don't see what's so confusing.

I think that guy is a robot.

Like Secret Window boring.

To be fair, the rest of the column is super-boring.

"Ve vill NAHT be employink any memberz ov ze vemale zpeciez in zis projekt!"

Yeah, Colbert specifically delivers two of my all-time favorite tv jokes in Strangers With Candy but I could never repeat them aloud because they're so ridiculously offensive but he somehow makes it work.

I watched Elysium this weekend and I thought it was a gorgeous, amazingly-realized world that was suffocated in its sleep by one of the dumbest stories I've ever seen.

Oh it's nothing that you wouldn't probably already assume- she's rude and dismissive and after shows she'd dash straight to her dressing room or wherever, while Brian Viglione would always come hang out with everyone. Not to the point of throwing cell phones at people or anything, but definitely not particularly…

To be fair, he's probably right.