"The toilet is situated eight inches away from the food preparation area, and that seems fine."

It's just such a tedious-ass, basic, overused motivation in fiction. I have all the empathy in the world for men who have lost loved ones, but you can't turn around in a Blockbuster without knocking ten videos off the shelves that deal with that theme.

My favorite part of watching Tiny House Hunters, a show that infuriates me in a deeply satisfying way, is every time the prospective buyer enters a tiny house. "It's so small!" they inevitably exclaim. No shit, motherfucker, you're trying to buy a shack so small that industrial farmers would be embarrassed to cram…

I honestly don't think of Nolan as some kind of misogynist or something, but he keeps going to that well over and over. I think he's just maybe not a super introspective fellow.

Oh I think he has a hilariously terrible track record with women. It doesn't really bother me, but I think it's pretty clear he's baffled by the interior lives of women.

That's bad!

I like Maggie Gyllenhall, but both of them were completely bizarre choices for that role, presumably because Christopher Nolan seems to view women as relatively interchangeable clockwork gears.

Brandon Routh has gotten off relatively lucky in comparison, just fading into the background like old wallpaper.

It seems pretty clear just watching the movie that he's having a blast playing the part. He's the only one who looks like he's having any fun at all, in fact.

Happy Things We Should Send Into Space

But it was such a Dark and ~tWizzTeD~ role, man! His clown paint reflected his clown pain, just like my own pain is reflected in the windows of Hot Topic when they run out of XXXL Spongebob t-shirts!

The Battletoads were named "Rash", "Zitz" and "Pimple", which is all you need to know to realize that the Battletoads franchise was slapped together to make a quick buck off of the backs of philistines, the loutish and vulgarian, and the morally degraded. By contrast, as the franchise for the true aesthete, Teenage…

I don't think it's overrated, really, since nobody actually seems to like it all that much. It's mostly just known for being controller-snappingly frustrating.

Sometimes I worry that everyone around me doesn't know when my butt is too sweaty (basically always, but still, you worry about these things when you put in as much effort as I do)- these look like the perfect solution to that problem.

I mean, feel free to worry about it, for all the good it will do you.

"Wilson! Melania's mad at me again, and I don't know why!"

Even in plagiarizing, they still turned the phrase "six million Jews" into "European Jewry", which somehow strikes me as the kind of phrase a, y'know, Nazi would use.

I'm impressed you were able to write so legibly on your own butt!

You want me to say gynecologist, don’t you? Ha bloody ha, Murdoc’s a perv. Listen, mate, I’m looking at a twat right now—you—and it’s doing nothing for me.

I work with various school districts around the country and any time I have to call someone from Sandy Hook, it breaks my fucking heart to think what they went through. Fuck Alex Jones right in his ear.