MY POWER MY PLEASURE MY PAIN

Yes, basically that's exactly what I'm saying.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt turned into Bruce Willis so gradually that I didn't even notice!

I spent 20 minutes getting chased around by some terrible Dr. Moreau-esque man-cougar hybrid and it was scarier than any horror game I've ever played.

Yeah that burst of speed they can suddenly put on in 4 is…upsetting.

So I worked for many years as a game tester, mostly for various Xbox-related titles. As such, I encountered many a terrible bug, but only one stuck with me as legitimately kind of chilling. I was testing a game for the early days of the 360, an open-world actioner about a super-powered cop the title of which may or…

Hey, I didn't like it any more than you do!

According to the plot of the show, theoretically yes.

There's a quest in the game Vampire: The Masquerade- Bloodlines that involves one of those ghost hunter shows investigating a supposedly "haunted" abandoned building. It turns out there aren't any ghosts there, haha, that would be silly, but there is a monster that lives in the basement and it eats them all.

"OooOOo- hey! HEY! I'm trying to SCARE you here, Kevin, stop looking at my slightly translucent dick! Ok, that's it. Don't go anywhere, I'm getting some pants."

Yeah all of these could just as easily say "PETER STRAUB" or "ROBERT BLOCH" instead.

It was especially tough for me, because technically my first sexual encounter was with an ice-cream cone that flew out of a fatal automobile accident and landed on my groin.

What, you don't think the slobby middle-aged man who runs a greasy diner and dresses like he's constantly going to a Soundgarden concert is a dreamboat?

I dunno, it's a weird and kind of endearingly human thing, to freak yourself out about things that you can't see and aren't real. I don't believe in ghosts, but I still don't enjoy wandering around the basement in the dark at night. If I get up in the middle of the night to pee, I try not to look in the bathroom…

The important thing is how much money do we get out of this? Is it still none? Yes? I'm hearing that it's none, which is disappointing. Maybe next comment!

I mean, in this specific instance, he's kinda got a point. Like, the picture actually did make me smile a little, which is the first time seeing Trump's face has done anything except make me angry in a long time, so that was kinda nice. It's ok to laugh, sometimes, and the thought of Trump smilingly throwing up the…

Yeah how DARE the band that rose to prominence with a song about notorious Nazi science-murderer Josef Mengele EVER do something so crass as associate themselves with Donald Trump, even in Photoshopped images! THIS IS SHOCKING

For some reason hearing the opening notes of "Born to be Wild" puts me in a rage-fugue state that lasts for three minutes and thirty seconds and when I come to, I'm covered in other people's blood, but I couldn't really talk about why that is in an entertaining way.

I like Hatesong sometimes, but it's when the interviewee can mount a cogent, ideally funny argument about why they don't like a particular song. This is just a hatchet job about how much this guy hates a singer, with no real justification beyond he thinks she's not an intelligent person. It feels too weirdly personal…

"I -a man- am the real feminist, so let me tell you why this woman is dumb and bad and her opinions aren't worth listening to."