Janet Reno Is Evil

Lyndon Johnson Calls His Penis Jumbo.

"That is the rarest gummi of them all, the gummi Venus de Milo, carved by gummi artisans who were exclusively in the medium of gummi."
"Will you two stop saying "gummi" so much?"

If You Are Reading This You Have No Life

"Simpson scandal update: Homer sleeps nude in an oxygen tent which he believes gives him sexual powers."
"Hey — that's a half-truth!"

"Hey everybody, it's Enrico Polazzo!"
ENRICO POLAZZO, ENRICO POLAZZO, ENRICO POLAZZO, ENRICO POLAZZO!

Many moms handle their children's loose teeth. It's clear now that Marge has developed a tooth fetish and has resorted to stealing other's children's teeth.

WE CAME HERE FOR BLOOD!!!

Oh my God, next week is one of my favorite episodes, and one of Brockman's finest moments:

All right, pie, I'm just going to do this, [chomps air] and if you get eaten, it's your own fault!

"That's very nice, Dad, but it's wrong for you to reward violent competitive behavior. However, I will sit up front with you if it's a fatherly gesture of love."
"OK, hon."
*Lisa gets in*
"Sucker! Competitive violence, that's why you're here! Ha, ha, ha!"

I feel so sorry for Shyamalan now. I find myself actually rooting for him to succeed.

Phrasing

And sagging ballsacks.

I would have loved to have witnessed the pitch for TRAFFIC. "The US drug czar has a daughter who is a…wait for it, wait for it…A SMACKHOUND! That's so awesome, right?" Besides that and Zeta-Jones becoming a cold-blooded killer in record time it's still a really solid movie.

That column was cancelled when the editor found out Nugent was dead or in jail, because Obama.

@avclub-3db41011acc2d229176bf6a92202728d:disqus I wash myself with a rag on a stick.
*types something on laptop, makes another $500*

Will the fight be drenched in harsh pools of blood-red light?

You can write his entire dialogue for both movies in a single napkin.

Reminds me of an incident many years ago. A high school kid had "Da Bomb" written on his backpack. So the bomb squad was called. No bomb was found.