Michael Bay loves glistening muscles like a gay man loves Judy Garland.

Hmmm, at least you got laid.

My favorite celebrity sex tape will always be Vanessa Hudgens.

I brought a bottle of apple juice to school once. The asst. principal saw it and told me to hand it over to see whether it was beer. I told him we have over 10 soda machines at campus but someone brings something that resembles beer and it immediately arouses suspicion. And that's why the kids can't fit into the…

A future where you can only virtually imagine having sex with a young Sandra Bullock would be too much to bear for anyone. Oh man she was such great fappage material in this movie.

I miss grabbing three or four bags of Donettes powdered donuts in preparation to get stoned on the weekends. But I don't care for Twinkies. They can remain in the place from whence they were forged. In Hell.

That would mean if we spend enough time in the water we can also grow gills. Michael Phelps must have them by now.

Yeah Denzel was the Bible, literally. But the transcribed Bible was placed next to a Koran (and other religious texts) which pissed off the fundies.

Michael Bloomberg, is that you?

I would like to see a soda sweetened with agave nectar (syrup). I would totally buy that and I wouldn't care what the corn scientists said.

@unicyclistperiscopes:disqus We should replace soda machines in high schools with beer kegerators. Beer is far healthier than soda.

I heard a doctor say the body doesn't know the difference between honey and sugar and HFCS. Now I don't know what to believe anymore. But there's no question the increasing size of our soft drinks has heavily contributed to our obesity.

That's how they drink it in Mexico. When I was young I would also add a dash of salt to my coke. Don't laugh, it tasted pretty good.

I can understand why parts of the world hate us so much. A bomb in Boston kills three people and the whole world has to hear about it. Meanwhile bombs in Iraq kill dozens (anyone still remember Iraq?) in the same week and it barely makes a blip on the radar of the American media. We are so self-indulgent in our…

I don't watch The Daily Show anymore. It angries up the blood. Colbert I still watch.

Help me out here. If police knew Dzhokhar was hiding somewhere in Watertown since the shootout why did they order all of the Boston metro area to stay inside their homes. Anyway, my whole point is that the main goal of terrorism is to paralyze society with fear and the media is pretty damn good at transmitting that…

Let's never fight again.
*hugs, caresses television*

@shelwood Other parts of the world susceptible to terrorism have refused to let terrorism get the best of them and go about their daily routine. Maybe we should take a cue from them. And going outside and becoming an "innocent bystander" proved unfounded as that snot-nosed punk kid was hiding inside a boat all day…

That jingoism is unfortunate because Americans are now gonna be less likely to be critical of the added security and surveillance that will soon be in place as a result of the bombing. Exchanging liberty for security is always a bad idea.

But who chose to be traumatized and in fear? Why did they do as they were told by police and stayed in their homes (the Boston area economy lost more than $300 million in revenue on Friday). Don't they realize that when they cave in to fear terrorism as a tactic has succeeded. If anyone needs to grow a pair it's the…