In other news…
Natalie Portman walks out before finishing a sandwich

I'm naming my daughter Gustina Johnson Gets Buckets

As a professional sports analyst, I can say with undoubted certainty that Secretariat won 16 of the 21 races he participated in.

Just one question…
Am I also allowed to fingerbang my girlfriend for free?

Transformers: Money Never Sleeps

May your cell phone become a robot and give you the finger.

Starring HipsterDBag

Bees knees?

Bieber Live
I just wanted to say that I love you guys, BUT — *SMACK*

The "PSYCH!" in Lone Audience's quote really says it all.

That's pride FUCKIN' witchoo. FUCK PRIDE.

ESPN -

TB -

lol Miller slams one home.

What about my NCAA Basketball spots?
Well bad news for me.

"Something's Burning" - Kenny Rogers

*Yells so loud his throat immediately goes hoarse*

What can men do against such wreckless hate?

Or Epic Mickey

A Flashy Display
The Splash Mountain portion of the movie had better contain gratuitous amounts of female frontal nudity…or SO HELP ME.