I remember this one time when I was drug mule for the syndicate, and we were trying out a new method. Instead of shoving the coke up my ass in pouches, we tried the swallow the plastic bags then puke them up method. The first attempt was a fiasco as the plastic was too thin, and my stomach acid ate through the bag. I…

It does make for a quicker read when so many pages are stuck together.

*Pours dead wifes' ashes into orchestra pit*

Then you think, "it's obvious I'm not staring." So you look, and you think, "I'm staring." So you say, "this is ridiculous," and you take a GOOD LOOK. And you think, "I'm looking at a man who, when he washes his face, loses the bar of soap."

The only upside to it, for me, was I learned what a spat was, and got a Jeopardy clue right for it.

Well, they do now.

In a twist, Alec Baldwin shows up and tries to kill the child.

After the mechanical bees kill everyone who ever used a hashtag, Whovian will be celebrated as someone who tried to warn us.

Literal, I was playing bass drum and couldn't see my feet.

In High School marching band it seemed like we always had horses in front of us in every parade. I have never stepped in so much shit in my life.

I'm not sure. He is polling pretty strongly with ten year olds.

How many editors does is take to edit a film?

Miramanee!

What does the T. stand for?

*Moves to PinaColataBurg*

…and their vaginas lived happily ever after.

Thank you
I knew I could get the truth from you people. Facebook will continue to be my source for facts and unbiased opinions.

Unrelated: I saw on Facebook that Michael Douglas says Val Kilmer has cancer. Now, normally I never question anything I read on Facebook, but I haven't found any corroborating items. True or bullshit?

*Tries the veal*

I'm gonna keep the coke and the fries but I'm gonna send this burger back. And if you put any mayonnaise on it, I'm gonna come over to your house, I'll chop your legs off, set fire to your house, and watch as you drag your bloody stumps out the door.