I had no idea. You've got a man's hunger for power, sex, and whale ambergris.

So let me get this straight, you're a:
-Bastard
-King
-Vulcan
-Japanese Porn Tycoon

He probably has his own made, because no Japanese porn company has made bukkake baby diaper boytaur porn where everyone calls each other Dear Leader.

Fusion?
More like the Japanese food is invading the Korean food.

I believe they call it field work, or "bush work" Down Under.

Oh, KB, I've missed you the most. I think "Conglomeration of Penises" would either make a really good band name or a freaky sex act.

Ah, Brain Slug, that makes much more sense. I learn so much from the AVC!

Dissonance
Mountain Dew is nothing like actual mountain dew. How did they even decide on that name for an electric green caffeine bomb? It's certainly not gotten closer to anything I've ever found on a mountain, unless you count runoff from a strip mine.

No, it's the first one. I caught that right after I hit post, and cursed my brain for revealing me to be a wannabe nerd, the worst kind.

KB, that sounds like a sexy good time. Maybe I can wear my prosthetic Vulcan forehead crest.

Best shot
The long shot on the baby's eye. I was sort of hoping it would take on some demonic red flare and become an adorable murder machine.

I'm fairly certain what Mr. Oswalt said qualifies as a gentle ribbing, not a total evisceration. It made me chuckle. Let's face it: the AVC comment boards are full of nerds of every stripe looking to talk about the things they love (and hate.)

KB, sometimes I feel like you stalk me around the AVC boards. I find it really flattering, and totally hot. Just like my real life stalker/boyfriend/uncle.

My reality show would be a reality show about people competing to be on a reality show. Contestants would be required to be moderately good looking with a hard body, be able to eat weird things, craft things from other things, and take part in a slapfight to the death. Grand prize is a spot on Season 2.

Watching other people eat old bologna makes me sweat.

Dov Charney's a genius!
I'm going to use my bag o' shit to decorate homeless people.

The worst part is these women ASPIRE to sleep with Dane Cook, Jeremy Piven, Kid Rock, or the Unholy Trifecta of Herpes all at once. The lady commenters can't even DO that well. They have to settle for wannabe versions who wear West Coast Choppers gear and text things like "tyte."

Dear God
Read the comments on the original photo and weep for America.

Oh, man, phel, you obviously don't know a good guy when you see him! This picture is just oooooozing charisma.

I wouldn't put it past hipsters to "acquire corporeal bulges as a form of expressionism", but I think this comes from drinking too much Red Stripe.