Glorious
I love Red Ribbons's beard. It's so real, and luxurious. I want to lay in it.

It's going to be a long process, full of excruciating joke delivery. I'm going to try them all out on you, KB.

Everyone's a comedian
This plus "Comedy by the Numbers" means that I, too, can finally be funny.

That first pair of hands is too fat
Those hands' agent needs to put them on a diet. That's disgusting.

They should just call this
iDouchebag. It's not loser dudes who have never touched a real lady who will download this, it'll be those guys who have touched too many women, and none of the right ones.

Yes, the book was a chore for such an easy read. You just want to shake her, or at least distract her long enough for her poor husband to steal away.

But when you tell your friends later, it's going to be that I begged you to give me a point, and so you did. Twice.

http://awkwardfamilyphotos…. will change your life.

@Ward: That was my secret strategy all along. I'm giving myself a point, you poor excuse for a message board troll.

Every generation goes through this
Imagine how those fogies must have felt when they were all schprachen the Olde English and here comes gay Bill Shakespeare with his buddies, throwin' out Middle English to call to a sweet honey on the byway, "Thou call'st thyself a hotter name than any is in hell."

I sense a hint of snark from Mr. Stradlater.

If that musical
doesn't feature Ryan Gosling's chest in a starring role, there's no point in seeing it.

A hockey puck is way more feminine than a hockey stick.

No, I think it will be Shania Twain's "Man! I Feel Like a Woman!"

Novel
An overwhelmed mother with too much on her plate, trying hard to balance it all and find a little Me Time?

Tasha's assessment
of the Ho Ho/Ding Dong relationship to sexual preference is astute and apt. Marketers everywhere must know that I only eat things shaped like phalluses, and abhor their yonic counterparts. Eclairs? Yes. Doughnuts? Only if I were a lesbian.

"It's my breadstick in a box!"

Whatever, Son, I'm totally with you.
My dad can't resist the rustic Tuscan aesthetic either.

Guerrilla-style performance pieces could only improve Entourage.

No, You Wouldn't.
Would you ask Tom Petty to describe his music in a nutshell?