"(full disclosure: I am nobody’s mother)"

"does not recall" … "does not believe". Quite the strongly worded denial, there.

We all need to band together and put "Drama Chipmunk" back on top.

"I did not jerk off that dog. Ha ha just kidding! I didn't not jerk off that dog. By which I mean … wait, can I start again?"

When it came out that Trump had (obviously) made up his congratulatory phone calls from the head of the Boy Scouts and the president of Mexico, I saw a bunch of headlines with some variation of "He may have imagined them." JESUS CHRIST JUST SAY THAT HE LIED! GAH!

I assume "Focusing on Family" involves a long-range camera lens and a rooftop across the street.

If you're in the kid-selling business, wouldn't it make more sense to grab orphans?

Would you settle for a pair of window-installers crossing the street?

Goddamn Red Letter Media motherfuckers always sitting there drinking their New Glarus like they're better than me …

Ahhh, I remember when Victory first made it out to the West coast and that was a ten dollar sixer.

It just seems like, toddler+cliff-side estate = submission at Sundance that critics call "…devastating…" and "…a poignant exploration of grief …".

The Arizona landscape can be gorgeous, but I'm not sure I could handle 120 degree monsoon season.

I had been spending a lot of time looking at places around Mendocino/Fort Bragg with cliff-side ocean views, but we've got a kid coming in November and now all I can see are all the places that a toddler could kill itself.

Sorry man, I'm a little light right now.
*looks up*
Fuck!

Spent another two bucks on Mega Millions tickets so I could spend the evening playing "dream house" on realtor.com (I'm thinking maybe something on multiple acres overlooking Puget Sound. Probably keep it under 4 million … any more than that and I just start seeing a bunch of rooms I'll never use.), and it looks like…

Would you like a "curated" list of articles containing those words?

Heh. "Codswallop".

No "dongle", no dice.

In other news, the frogurt is also cursed.

I dunno … if you squint a bit he's almost got a "young Bob Mould when he was pudgy" thing going. And early Huskers were punk as fuck.