<—- Is still waiting for the "Jake and the Fat Man" movie.

Depends on what you consider "useless."

Will B.A. be wearing all that gold?

I have it on a loop on the portable DVD player in my rape van.

See it? I didn't even know her!

Better than Chocolate Rain?

Excuse me, Jonathan, but this has ended.

Like Julie Roberts better in Pret Woman than I did her in Sleeping With Emmy.

Yes. And by flown out, it means you'll pay for your own damn plane ticket.

Hello, White People!
Can't we all just leave her alone? She's just a 22-year-old college student who loves America and is disgusted at some people. What's wrong with that?

I will wait to see the Director's Cut where Jessica Biel actually shoves the Blackberry into her cunt, then calls herself.

It's called "Dave's Cock-Gobbling Fantasy World and Baseball Card Price Guide"

It's like a frightening TV version of KFC's Double Down. Two breaded slabs of white meat smothering a big slice a ham.

I'm starting to think if Oprah likes it, shit status can't be far around the corner. Watch out, Mad Men fans, your beloved program may soon become "Oprah Approved."

"We do not all know one another."

Can't we all just get along?

That's next month's "Very Special Episode" where she dresses up the audience as murder victims.

So Oprah will be wearing a maid's outfit?

"YOU TELL HIM I'M FUCKING COMING!"

You've got a typo there, I think you meant to say, "I am a loser who punches myself in the balls for sexual stimulation and cannot maintain social relationships aside from the imaginary ones I cultivate with characters on TV and waitresses."