Yeah! Let's get Eddie Murphy in there too!

Fucking brilliant.

How 'bout the hairs on your upper lip, you damned dyke?

Maybe he just got sick of that big stupid-looking nose of his. I sure am sick of it.

Ideally, those would have been separate posts. It's still mildly amusing, but you'll have to get off the internet now. I SAID GET OFF THE INTERNET. NOW, DAMMIT!

Sorry I refused to take the bait in your slightly whiny passive-aggressive attempt to claim victim status in this exchange. You're such a repulsive scumbag I honestly can't do anything other than insult you.

Thanks for devoting so much time to this. I know that there are a lot of stupid but attractive whores out there and you could be conning your way into their panties instead of jousting with me. Hey, if it's so easy to deceive those tramps, why can't you find an attractive woman who's stupid but nice? Is this a moral…

It really does sound like a complete piece of shit, though the casting of Tom Selleck as Heigl's dad should be a clue-in as to where this turd goes.

Why the fuck is Ebert wasting what's left of his life watching shit like Marmaduke? Honestly, I know the man reviews movies for a living, but he really ought to consider simply passing on some assignments. Unless he wanted to review this just so he could dump on it, which makes him kind of a douche anyway. Marmaduke…

Spankings are meant for kids and they sometimes lead to pedophilia. So there.

Marma-douche.

Here you are, arguing with a total stranger on the internet about stuff which (on the outside chance that any of it is true, which I sincerely doubt) really isn't anybody's business. I reiterate my earlier point, which is that I don't think you're having sex with anybody, hot or dumb. Your obsessive need to…

We all know that if someone ACTS a certain way in a movie, that's exactly what that person must be like in real life. If the original poster has ever done any acting, I'd have to guess he specializes in playing retards.

Are there people out there who can interpret the noises Heigl makes while breathing as feminist critique?

I can't even count the number of times I've rubbed one off while thinking of Katherine Heigl.

You sound like a typical gay liberal. We need to hate people and celebrities make for great targets. Uh, 'cause they're, uh, stupid and obnoxious! Don't try to be the voice of sanity around here, you damned reasonableness dictator.

My honest guess is that you've never had sex with another human being in your life, with the possible exception of a hooker or your cousin. Or your cousin the hooker. Yes, here you are on the internet sharing lurid details of your life and wasting precious time refuting any criticism directed your way. Sure, you're a…

he likes to post on the av club boards
writing the same shit we've all seen before
the cinnamon boy…

Is she better than the material they use to make moistened Handi-Wipes? 'Cause I've gone through quite a few of those while "thinking" about her. If you catch my drift.

I believe the site you need to visit is called "Spoilers.com".