The zarg stay the zarg.

One small (very small) thing I liked about the Garibaldi plot was that we got to see him actually investigate something and not just intimidate someone into giving him information.  The "I'm going to stand in the elevator and count the floors" bit was nice.

Well, the Foundationists definitely sound like the type of group who would borrow and mingle stuff from old cultures without really understanding them (Edward Said's worst nightmare, basically), but I don't know if it's quite as evil colonialist as you make it sound.

Zack: "Hey chief, what's that?

Spot on.  Imagine if, say, the Pope, suddenly said "hey, we've had a secret project to build a couple of carrier groups, a bunch of F-22s, and some nuclear submarines.  And the priesthood, not any current military body, will control them."

"Perhaps the blame belongs with Harvey Weinstein, who—in a typically mercenary move—has trimmed Wong’s original cut by a whopping 20 minutes. (Most of those who’ve seen both versions claim that the longer one hews closer to the director’s wheelhouse.) "

That other film site had an article about director/actor teams and didn't mention Szabo and Brandauer.  Colonel Redl is such a perfect decline-of-the-Hapsburg-empire movie, like if Arthur Schnitzler had written film scripts.

"…and everyone at the orphanage thanked me for saving them from the rabid coyote attack.  It's harder for me to masturbate now, but I'm sure you and I can come up with some alternatives together back at my place."

Only the expensive brands of Soylen Green are made from single ladies.  It's like extra-virgin olive oil.  Most people can only afford the kinds made from married women or men.  Then there's the veal equivalent, but we don't talk about that.

@avclub-3be42d8a3412057f79af152555e39bd4:disqus  His larynx?

We're all very glad you didn't say that children run away screaming at the sight of your disfigurement.

Sounds like a hot woman I dated who was also…wait…no, she was missing her soul, that's what it was.

I have a question for you, @avclub-705679d0cfae50002319d45cc32bd045:disqus : how do you feel when Catholics eat your body?  Is veganism just about animals and human flesh doesn't apply because you created them on a different day?

To the pain means the first thing you lose will be a couple of fingers.  And then your…well, that's all you'll lose actually.  You keep your ears so that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish.  The one or two times that happens, that is.  Mostly, children will just make that…

A few months late, but thanks!

We can bring back memes now?  This won't end well.

You added some nice detail to give it more — say it with me, AV Club! — verisimilitude.

"Roberto Clemente's got two balls on him!"

You just made me realize that I could have been dipping cookies in white russians ALL ALONG.

One more joke answer (sorry), inspired by the guy who answered the first letter: