Hey, will you please say "Please pass the ketchup, I think it's going to rain?" and then jump around on a pond for a bit?

I got burning love in Thailand. It's not nearly as exciting as you think.

COMMUNITY IS EQUAL TO THE SUM OF THE SQUARES OF THE OTHER TWO SIDES OF THE HYPOTENUSE.

The royal gay. The editorial gay.

I'm gonna have to DVR it. I have tickets to "Rochelle, Rochelle."

Iron Maiden's Powerslave album has the formidable one-two punch of "Aces High" and "Two Minutes To Midnight." 

I just know I'm waiting for the "Blind/Blonde" marathon.

Is it just me, or does she have that dress on backwards?

This is the ultimate teenage girl fantasy: "I CAN CHANGE HIM!!"

The best part of that speech is when he says "I'll watch the time." Fred Rogers couldn't not be a nice guy.

I was too focused on the Cloud City flying car that zipped past the window.

Mark Hamill is nearly as old now as Alec Guiness was when he played Obi Wan. 

I could never shake the feeling that all those visits to assembly line factories was preparing me for only the hottest and noisiest jobs.

WHEN ARE THEY GONNA GET TO THE FIREWORKS FACTORY?

This may be the dumbest fight in the history of stupid. I mean, it's Glee, for crying out loud. They're the live action Happy Little Elves. Who cares what they do?

Odds that her book will include a centerfold of Hillary Clinton: even.

I thought Chris Brown only hit girls.

Jar Jar died on the way back to his planet.

Whenever I hear Bob Dylan's voice, I want to punch everyone.

"Inside Llweyn Davis" is the worst porno title ever.