I'm in the Middle East right now for work, and all of the liquor stores were closed for Ramadan. So I've been painfully sober for a month. But on the glorious blessed Eid, they all reopened. It was an insane madhouse in the only one within walkable distance (which was still about a 1.5 kilo walk basically straight…

Hey pal! Did ya get a load of the nerd?

Sure, calling it conductive was a mistake. But the bigger mistake was not referring to it as inanimate so we could make even more Simpsons references than usual.

What's more, everything they describe is in Western Virginia (sure, technically everything they mention slightly touches WV, but just barely). It just didn't work with the meter of the song, so they just said West Virginia instead. It's probably the most West Virginia thing possible that the song they're all obsessed…

Not to mention this lawsuit wasn't Some Rich Guy's Politics v. Gawker, it was The Guy Who's Sex Tape They Illegally Posted And Refused To Take Down After Repeated Requests v. Gawker. You don't want you media company shut down? How about you don't post private sex tapes of no journalistic value? And hell, had you not…

Yes, and in an insert that came with it, if you got your teacher to verify you had read a certain number of books that school year, they sent you a certificate with Carnage saying your name and that you "painted the town well RED" but in, like, scary, dripping bloody letters. And they sent it to your school so the…

Now that you say it, it does make sense. But for some reason, I was really expecting a Frankie Muniz cameo

Every time I laugh inappropriately at the wrong place or time, I always try to pass it off as remembering something I saw on Herman's Head. Yet for some reason, that rarely gets me out of trouble.

Excuse me, but COO? CBO? CMO? Aren't these just made up acronyms that rich people use to sound important?

Woozle wuzzle?

When I was in grade school in the middle-of-nowhere Iowa, I had a friend whose super religious parents would only allow their children to listen to Petra. Like, that was literally the only band they had any music of. But the kids were totally on board — I remember they had a ton of Petra posters, both commercially…

Though the existence of this comic does give good cover for some google searches that HR flagged…

I don't even peacock an NBC!

Ah, the exact point I make in my little addition there. Absolutists seem to always claim, with extremely little (and often no) evidence, that any restriction at all will inevitably lead to some horror. But we put reasonable restrictions on things all the time! It's not so crazy to suggest that maybe the matter is a…

You know, I used to think so, but more and more I'm coming around to the idea that some reasonable limits are ok. And I know the use of the term "reasonable" invites all sorts of other debates, but it seems like a number of other nations have pretty reasonable hate speech laws that haven't turned them into…

Bear penis goes in, bear penis goes out…you can't explain that!

It's like how Mexicans are so incredibly lazy while also stealing every available job because they'll work so hard for pennies on the dollar

Ok, but we can all agree that gif of the guy in the tuxedo, who is presumably a smug rich jerk who stole the only means of escape, meeting his untimely death in a beautiful combination of green screen magic and flailingly bad acting, is fucking awesome, right?

God, I really hope this is just the hip-hop version of John Cage's 4'33

I disagree with your opinion, but having it is certainly your prerogative