And stupid babies need the most attention!

"Australia." That's a funny name! I'd have called the country "Chazz Wozzers"

Suddenly, a lot of bigots just became very concerned with free speech rights…

Are you kidding me? The airwaves continue to be dominated by that sweet Laurel Canyon sound…

Is that their official video or is this a fan-made thing? It genuinely looks like it was made in an afternoon by a bored teenager, though I suppose that fits in pretty well with their overall aesthetic.

Yeah, this reeks of the ol' "But how will I explain this to my children?!?" shit people always pull. And to pararphrase Louis CK, it's not our problem how you explain things to your shitty kids.

"Charlie Murphy shared screenwriting credit on the Eddie Murphy movies Vampire In Brooklyn and Norbit"

Did you happen to catch last night's Detroiters? The bit with every commercial being about how Detroit is strong and rebounding no matter what the commercial was actually trying to sell was one of the best parodies of this I've ever seen.

Huh. It's almost as if oligopoly is not a good idea. Who could have known?!?

Yeah, I mean, I'm pretty fucking cynical, but that email takes the fucking cake. He's quite literally telling his employees that his public apology is phony and he really thinks they did a great job. I mean…holy shit. Every time I think I'm too cynical about the world, things like this come along to remind me that is…

Shhh. If you point out that he's actually an effective politician, how will butter Clintonites complain about him?

This is exactly correct, and you have done me a great service.

I don't have any sources other than my own memory, but I distinctly recall playing a cowboys and indians game in which an extremely-buxom naked woman was tied to a cactus. I think you were fighting over her, but my memory is spotty on the details. Except for the memory of those glorious 8-bit boobies, which may have…

That wasn't even Jeff Ament's real shirt!

You've obviously never heard Mick Jagger spit hot fire. He ghost wrote the majority of verses on 36 Chambers.

Yeah, those Islamic attacks in Europe. It's not like Christians have ever, say, executed 6 million people in Europe. But of course, it is those damn Muslims who are the problem.

The ultimate zing

I feel like all these tributes have it wrong, as we should all be insulting Rickles to honor his memory. But I can't really bring myself to say anything bad about the guy right now.

I had that once, but fortunately it wasn't the penicillin-resistant type.

Huh, a quick google search tells me Trump is indeed the oldest person to ever assume the office of President. I'll be damned.