That was impressive, Bojack. I've never seen them cancel an AA meeting because everyone got bummed out before.

-Okay, thank you. Happy Thanksgiving 2007.
-Why did you just say what year it is?
-I guess I just get nervous talking to network executives.

Trust me, pal, we've done some awful things. One time, I didn't want my friend to move out, so I used character actress Ann Dowd to help me sabotage his hip-hopera.

- The AV Club

This is some real Pulitzer material.

He's sharing some really intriguing ideas:

American Rapist

You've reached Ana Spanakopita. How did you get this number? Explain yourself.

-We just need to come up with all the nominees ourselves.
-But I haven't even seen all the movies.
-Todd, nobody has. That's not how they give out awards.

No one's gonna be there when I kill myself?
Listen to that chanting, Diane. The chanting don't lie.
There's going to be plenty of people around when I kill myself!

-Hey, listen, man. I don't wanna get in the middle of this, it's none of my business, but I just have to say I love that sweater. Can you give it to me?
-What? No.
-But I held my mouth open a really long time.
-What does that have to do…?
-You're not being fair, to me or Princess Katniss.
-Who?
-Your friend. You've…

I am a classic stereotype that is tough to come by nowadays, because Italians don't emigrate so much to America no more!
Botticelli, Barbarelli, Beetle Bailey! Modigliani, Masaccio, Marmaduke!

America's Next Top Murderer

-Mr. Peanutbutter, you are the best runt of the litter a guy could ask for. But there might come a time … when you're going to have to be the captain.
-What is this, a very special episode?

-Did you not hear? I'm clean and sober, eight months.
-Really? That's incredible.
-Yeah, I wanted a change in my life. Because I heard if you stop doing drugs for a while, the first time you do them again, it's amazing.
-What? No, just stay sober!

Get me out of this thing. This asshole's giving me everything I ask for. What a nightmare.

Let's get drinks in the new year and work out the deets … That's a fast way of saying details for people who don't have time for every detail of the word details.

-You gotta read some of these comments. Queefburglar69 says,"These sexy lady chauffeurs always get me where I need to go."
-That's unambiguous.

-I knew I had to lay low. Go off the grid, disappear.
-I know what "lay low" means.
-So, I disappeared for a little bit. Somewhere I knew I had no chance of being discovered …. regional theater.

-I was good. Too good. The San Diego Union-Tribune called me, "A talent to watch." I knew I had to get out of there.
-And you've been living here ever since?
-That's right. I also did an arc on The Good Wife. Other than that, laying low.
-The Good Wife? How did you go on a nationally broadcast TV show with no one…