-I'm doing something new and need to concentrate.
-We could put you in a concentration camp…..
Too edgy?
Too soon?
Not soon enough?

I can understand that she felt that way, if that Mexico trip happened in real life. Good lord, that was horrifying.

-You touched me, Josue! And I touched you!
-Save it for the judge when you're finally arrested.

-Stop! Lieutenant Maria Bamford, graffiti squad. Undercover.
-That was a picture of a dog!
-K-9 Division. Good collar, sir

♪ Have you ever thought about touchin' a child. But didn't know how to do it?
Well, children are so teachable. There's really nothing to it.
Even if they don't believe it, you gotta give your love around.
Even if they won't receive it, you gotta give it all you got.
Go ahead and touch the children. It's alright, my…

Why ask for more money when you could ask, "Why do I need more money?"
Trabajito never disobeys.
Floor manager's always right.
English words come from angels.
Where do I sign up to donate plasma?
Trabajito's always watching!

Listen, I know the reward said 500 bucks, but… what are you gonna do, keep my dog? You'd be a total asshole. Here's five bucks.

Don't make eye contact. That's gonna encourage him.
Extras don't feel pain. That's why they call them background.

-I'm just gonna pull some sausage from the meat raffle out of the freezer.
-I'm not worthy!

He's having a total mid-loaf crisis. Needs my help.

-Maria, you can have the part. I don't need it. I'm a female comedian, AKA a billionaire, right, Tig?
-Yeah, we're all very rich.

-You know who's to blame? Ben Franklin.
-The guy with the electricity?
-Yeah, and the condescending glasses. He didn't even need those. They were for show. He was the original hipster fraud.

Thank nonexistent Jesus.

Now you know why I've been acting all silly and giggly.

He's the wrong shape.

-Why can't you let him love you?
-I have my reasons. There is just no way to understand them!

-Fuck! I am gonna kill this fucking, asshole puppy!
-Oh, God! No!

What, were you trapped in a tape recorder too?!

I escaped from those Greenpeace kidnappers, and now I want to get back to my cozy tank where crowds adore me and fish fall from the sky!
Freedom is a burden! Let me in, Bill Cosby! Let me in!

-You see that shirt? And those pants he's wearing? Those are mine. Unconsciously, she yearns for me. And now she wants me to fight to get her back.
-Don't you think he's just stealing your expensive clothes?