She was eaten and then pooped out by the orca that she raised at SeaWorld… please do not applaud, it's a trigger… Holly Krieger.

-Can you buy me movie tickets? It's rated R, and my dad is…
-In jail.
-No, in Hong Kong for work.
-They have jails there.

Um, as part of my vows, I'd like to ask again if anyone objects to this union.

Thomas, the audience has spoken. You are the worst singer.

-She would kill me if she knew I was going behind her back.
-The only person who's ever killed on this show is the hilarious Louie Anderson, and that woman deserved it.

This is the funniest episode of the season. I was so happy when Jeff Goldblum showed up.

-Let me tell you a mild spoiler: I'm the main character's father.
-That doesn't really spoil much.
-I said it was mild.

-Oh, is there a problem, Officer?
-Oh, I'm sorry, ma'am. I didn't realize you were a sweet old lady trying to save a young prostitute.
-Why does everyone always think I'm…
-Let me help you with those.

You broke my happy place. It used to be like Disney World, but now it's the unhappiest place on Earth, like everywhere else in Florida.

-Dr. Bayden said I'd get another sticker if I'm polite when I meet new people… like this bitch.
-Ow!

Satan, guide them.

Let me apologize for calling you the B word, 'cause what you really are is a massive C word… class act.

Anger is bad and ugly. It's the opposite of who I want to be. So I don't get pissed off. I get pissed on.

You think I can't do anything without your help, but I'm gonna prove you wrong.
I just need one thing: your help.

♪ Yumbip, flip-flap Shaq doo flip ♪
♪ Snibby snip-snip boom fat ship-ship cat doo ♪
♪ Yum, help… ♪
♪ Flip-flap Shaq doo flip ♪
♪ Snibby snip-snip boom fat ship-ship cat doo… ♪

-A Furby! Oh, God, it's still alive!
-Kill me!

-I'll have to sell my diamonds and pearls.
-Oh, honey, you're gonna have to sell all your Prince albums.

-I had to invite Mimi. She had no place to go on Fake Christmas.
-This is not a real holiday. She had nowhere to go on a Thursday.

-Oh, God! That's what the president looks like now? Spirit, are you saying that's what I'll turn into if I'm the boss? All gray and wrinkly and everyone hates me?
-Nah, man, I just want to know if I can switch to hockey.

-But I have to take Tiny Tim to the doctor.
-I don't care about… Wait a minute, you don't have kids.
-Tiny Tim is my nickname for my penis. He's very sick.
-Hogwash!
-The hogwash just made it worse!