So you're the creep who's trying to take this painting out of my children's mouths.

I'd like to bring some well-deserved closure to Harry Wiener and his late wife, Ivana Eda-Wiener.

Some truly progressive, thought-provoking lyrics.

-Chinese hackers breached an NSA firewall earlier this morning.
-Any chance they fixed the Wi-Fi?

-Essentially, one of every five Hoolie team members deserves to be fired.
-Um, I'm sorry, what?

Thank you for your service.

-Terry, I know I'm late, but my friend is having a tooth emergency.
-Friend? Look around you. This is not the kind of business for people who have friends.

-I rented my apartment on AirBnB.com, not to be confused with BearDinB.com, which is awful.
[gasps]
-I breathe like that sometimes. But also… [gasps] How could you?!

I'm trying to change the world, and you can't do that by being nice.

-Here, I'll help unpack. Whoa! Are those empty? Or was one of the spiders that bit me…
-They're empty.

-You're playing a Japanese woman?
-Playing? I was a Japanese woman.
-Well, if Aisha Tyler can play a white woman on Friends, then I guess it's okay.

-I'm proud of you, Jacqueline. 'Cause the dopest beat… is in here.
-Get out of my home.

-Anyway, this is my dog-a-poo, Abattoir.
-This is Abattoir? I thought you two were sisters.

No swords.

-These are nonsense.
-He's been gagged!
-How would that come through in a text, Scully?

-Pardon me, do you have any more mannequins? My pieces will warrant a window display.
-Mannequins? No, we don't have… Hey! Sicko! Beat it!

We run late on purpose so people can find each other in romantical fashion. Amtrak… is for lovers.

-Dong! Dong!
-Racist.

Political!

-Hey, your house is that way, dummy.
-Oh, my God, thank you. I've been standing here for hours.
Watch out. I pooped over there.