Shouldn't the locusts appear over Memphis, TN? Or maybe Alexandria, VA? That one is way later, but I think it still counts.

Of course. It's always Dirty Work.

No worries. I didn't think you had. I just like to mix in sincere responses with the sarcastic horseshit I normally spew forth.

I like your determination to make this happen for me.

She only has the one sibling, so the twin thing is kind of inescapable.

Oh. I thought you'd just found another comedian with the same name. Kind of as a backup. Maybe I'm old, but I thought it was funny that Christopher Guest's resume needed a recap, but I should already know what a Bitch Sesh was.

I caught part of that like 10 years after it came out. I'm sure it isn't a good movie, but the end was fuckin' bonkers.

It counts. He was the devil in the weed hallucination. Or am I thinking of a different Sandler-adjacent movie?

Look, I already offered to give up "shotgun" and let someone else pick where we go out to eat. If they really loved me they'd do that thing that repulses them!

I should be clear that I've never asked for the twin fantasy (except in obvious jest). It doesn't interest me. I would be lying if I said the other twin wasn't attractive (identical after all), but incest isn't my fantasy. I stopped watching porn altogether when I noticed that I fantasized often about things I would…

I married a twin. They are, uh, not fans of the "twin fantasy".

I have to be honest, it's pretty great. We're even allowed to be angry about stuff we have no business being angry about.

No kidding. They don't even have their hands up. You ain't Ali.

And you'd be no better off.

Russians, I knew it was them! Even when it was the Austinites, I knew it was them!

And it's a real shame. Kids will never learn to appreciate whiskey if they start with this junk.

Velveeta is not good food. But it has it's uses. Whipping up mac n' cheese quickly is one. I put Cheeze Whiz in broccoli-rice casserole.

Me fail English? That's unpossible.

My 2.5 year old isn't either. We're trying to help, but ultimately this little human has to figure it out. Though it is hard to resist reading up on when things "should" happen and comparing to your child's progress.

Except perhaps a much larger predator.