Maybe. But isn't it cheaper to just bide your time at Junior Bacon Cheeseburger Collage until you grades up?

Now I'm really impressed. Most 3 year olds can't even reliably control their own bowels, to say nothing of the 2 year old.

Do you experience feelings of dread in your basement or attic?

I remember a high school talent show band that did this. They were predictably awful. And strangely aggressive for teenagers I could beat the shit out of.

To pronounce it phonetically, yes.

I'll get you a tissue.

Half an hour? Who are you trying to impress? Oh, right.

Are you saying my full-time job of 11 years hasn't caused psychological trauma? I must disagree.

"I said two bits. This is two cents!"

Hell, I can't pass that now. To be fair, I can't really pass it in print either.

Look, I'm getting tired of replacing all these monocles.

Stallone could be a Hobbit.

Is that some artisanal version of lemoncello?

Self-starter "bottomless" tent?

I bet Shaq uses all those things in abundance.

I think there's a very particular photo that could have been photoshopped and then used as the header image for this article.

I loved Dr. Pepper when I used to drink coke (the preferred nomenclature for carbonated soda beverages in my neck of the woods). But I can't handle that much sugar anymore. Damned slowing metabolism.

"I thought the severe beating would STOP the crying, but it just got worse! Until that last beating, of course."

Unless you respect your adversary, use the "after" barf bag.

For you. However, you (presumably) aren't on the phone with them right now, so they consider that resolved. They will now close your ticket.